Daily Discoveries

2008-08-24T22:52:00.001+08:00

post number 456 on eyegummy-.blogspot.com. (:

it'd been a great journey here,

but alas,

i'm moving on to somewhere better. (:

http://precisepolaroids.wordpress.com

thanks for all the wonderful memories shared on this blog (:

2008-08-20T09:48:00.002+08:00

this is the number 455 post i have on this blog. (:

much to say, but my thoughts just cant be put into words.

i dont know how.

all i can say, is that i'm on the road of recovery.

and i'd be bouncing back before you know it.

must be the wonderful bike ride, and waffles galore! :D

but yet there's this side of me, that's afraid to lose.

haha like how grey's anatomy according to yiwei puts it,

"it's good to be afraid. it means that you've got something to lose".

dont make sense, but sounds so philosophical right!!!! (:

anw, i was taking the LONG circle back home from buangkok mrt home yesterday (not the walk straight down the slope home in 10min road), took me 40min, in the rain. it was a really good feeling considering the fact that i was so bottled up i guess. haha and i couldnt go cycling and all ): so this alternative was the best that i could go. was thinking about the past, and all those times where i'd be going out every single day after school, to meet different people, to maintain relationships and all, and just to like, have a life. what was i trying to prove man? to show that i can balance my work and play? to show that i have a life and all? yesterday, i stepped into city hall for the first time in like how many weeks. and the moment i tap my card, it felt so good. it was something like homecoming (okay im insane), and everything just reminded me of those days, where such places were the usual hangouts after school. i felt a little sad, like i've not much time to go out nowadays, and everyone's so busy anyway. but yet, i was really really contented, about how i've been spending the days recently with the ones i really really care about, and i dont regret spending my time with them. (: i'd rather spend all my life, just lazing around with my dear ones nearby, than meet different people every single day and trying to find out what's going on in their lives.

that said, it's not that im not gonna catch up with my dear friends and all, it's just that, i've never realised how tired i was doing so for the first few months of this year. but but but, i wont not catch up with people and all, because, i need to do so. i want and need to have all these relationships in my life, without which, how would i survive? ironic isnt it? i guess all i need is to escape (as usual) from the world, take a lill break, and i'd be up and around in no time. (:

i used to be damn sad over the fact that i thought that i had no friends, when i scroll down my phonebook for someone to call at night, or people to meet up with after school. you can say i've changed, you can say i've grown, but now, i guess i dont really find the need to do so anymore. and anyone who i call out now, would genuinely be for the sake of catching up and just having fun, keeping the flames of the friendship going (not like i've havent been doing this genuinely in the past, it's just that there was this certain point in time, when i got so jadded that meet up sessions became routine, and i no longer felt the excitement of seeing people whom i've havent met for like a month). which sucks.

now, im really grateful for having found the bestest soulmate alive, who would stick through it all with me, and fight the world by my side. (: and that, matters.

was thinking of moving away from blogspot so that i can actually lock my posts. but my livejournal username is stupid, and livejournal's skins are like EW. anw, so i very impulsly created a wordpress account. which according to stupid stitch sounds twitty. and yea, im undecided on the new name for my blog.

that said,

i guess i'd be moving really soon. (:

2008-08-17T22:37:00.001+08:00

it's just me.

at the end of the day, it's just me.

the cause of it all.

so why do you even care?

screw the world.

2008-08-14T09:34:00.002+08:00

i'm totally convinced that blogs are facades

talking face to face/on the phone is so much better.

and more real.

"we all have our own problems.

and we fear to get judged by the world because of them"

true?

2008-08-14T08:50:00.003+08:00

i am no saint.

so dont impose your expectations on me.

because i'm afraid i wont be able to live up to them.

dont make me try to conform to your way of life.

because it takes time to adapt, and i cannot afford to waste any.

dont make me try to see things the way you see them.

because i think my perspectives had been altered.

stop pushing me to the brink.

because i think im about to crash and burn.

i dont wish to disappoint you and break your heart.

i just need some space to breathe.

some time to mend the broken heart.

the broken soul.

and find myself back again.

thinking of escaping is one thing, actually doing it is another.

and the latter would be the braver one to do. but the former, the more sensible path.

take me away.

the hear already will cry song of the moment, sadly no one will sing it for me ):

Savage Garden - Crash and Burn

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
Its hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
Youre caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you cant face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when its over youll breathe again
Youll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone

and this song had been stuck in my head since i dunno when.

Corrine May - If i kissed you

If I kissed you
Would fireworks fly
Woud angels sing with lollipops
Would dinosaurs cry
Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise
If I kissed you.

If I kissed you
What would Michaelangelo say
Would he still have sculpted David
Would we be immortalized in clay
Would the poets write of love like ours
Would John Donne have his say
If I kissed you

You could be one in a million
You could be the one for me
But l guess I'll never know if I never try
I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms and kiss you.

If I kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness
Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind
If I kissed you.
Oh, if I kissed you
Yeah, if I kissed you.

2008-08-08T17:10:00.000+08:00

"Find out what you want, imagine things as you want them, build new ideas of life, stop believing that some people are lucky and some must be poor, change your ideas and find that life is a beautiful adventure, that each day brings new opportunities to those who will lift their eyes above the everyday grind. "

- Venice Bloodworth

2008-08-07T21:58:00.003+08:00

the pen is mightier than the sword.

words hurt.

i'll bounce back.

someday.

where are you when i need you?

i wish time would stop.

and rewind.

all the way back.

to the before-tj days.

i am not gonna say life sucks.

because sucks is not the word to use.

it seems worse than that.

i dont know why i get so affected over such shit stuff.

but a part of me actually thinks i do know.

it's all actually very small issues.

but i hate it when it all comes together.

all at the same time.

hello lor,

and i especially hate it,

when you dont even want to check things clearly first,

you anyhow assume.

anyhow impose your assumptions on me.

use your shit ass attitude on me.

i dont think you have the rights to judge me based on what you perceive.

and anyhow go tarnish my image based on your own narrow point of view.

i dont even know why you are doing that for.

and isolating me out of your little world.

yea fine, be that way.

because, i'll only be stronger than you can ever imagine.

and if you think the above stabs you enough,

well, actual fact is the above x20.

shit ass world.

shit ass stuffS

shit ass timing

shit ass.

i dont know how to survive at school without you. ):

One Step At A Time - Jordin Sparks

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you’ve always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can’t touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you’re gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you’re feeling more and more frustrated
And you’re getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There’s no need to rush
It’s like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It’s gonna happen and it’s
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
On step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You’re confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

When you can’t wait any longer
But there’s no end in sight
It’s the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus]
Take one step at a time
There’s no need to rush
It’s like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It’s gonna happen and it’s
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
On step at a time

2008-08-06T15:06:00.002+08:00

www.mymms.com

i totally LOVE this. haha as if im not a die hard m&ms fan already, this one totally blew me away! :D :D :D OMG i'll marry whoever who buys me this! (so materialistic eh! haha)

m&ms are best for cheering me up. (: (:

2008-08-05T16:13:00.003+08:00

it's always when i have loads to say and i dont know where to start, when i will use numberings for my blog posts. (: i think numberings are good for the soul. oh wells. here we go.

1. taiwanese buddy arrived in singapore on sat. haha. shall upload the photos up soon! but meanwhile, here's what we'd done so far for the past few days :)

26th july: went to pick her up from moe edutorium which was freaking far. but before that, it was SPEECH DAY @ CRESCENT. omg and surprisingly, i didnt feel a single thing at all. no homecoming mood nothing. haha although i do miss the train rides with my dear cloney in the mornings ): guess it's cuz i keep going back, until it's like so normal for me alrdy. usually i'll be really really excited, my heart's pumping and all that shit. took tons of pics (which are in pokxy's camera, send me okay winks!) and zoom zoom off to have lunch with the 4g2 gang and buy a welcome gift for the taiwan buddy! ohoh btw, her name is xinrou. so yeah (: and she's really nice. and shopaholic material? yeah cant wait to go shop over there omg! the whole exchange gift process was so weird because we just had to go on the stage and do it, in front of all the moe people and taiwan ambassador person. haha. lucky her, my cousin was getting married at night, so we chionged to this wedding dinner, before going off to the night festival at the musuem (: OMG. the whole picture reflected on the museum building itself was really really nice. and beatnik picnic by zouk was good. and yup, details after this shall not me mentioned. but oh well, i didnt spend the night with my buddy in the end, because she wanted to go home and sleep. so i sent her back to sleep, and reached home the latest (or rather, earliest) in my entire life. (:

27th july: haha we just went party world with the rest of the taiwan people from tj. and took like neoprints, and we went home for dinner i think? yeah. inserts HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUIGUI balloons here. (:

28th july: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR LEE. i really miss him teaching me math a lot. esp with ___ around now, oh crap. i swear i never hated maths so much before. xinrou's first day at sch. haha attended some lessons with us, and the system was so different so i guess they were very very amused. they collected the tj uniform and all, and yup, after that we went home for some singapore food i think. sorry cant really remember cuz it was like so long ago. and i had pizza hut for lunch HAHA. i love pizza hut.

29th july: i cant believe it. it was pizza hut AGAIN for lunch. with angel. had to go for this welcome dinner at meritus mandrin at night, and it was really really good! like 10 course meal, with a lot a lot of performances by the taiwan schools, nj, hwa chong and rj. haha edweewee was SO CUTE. (:

30th july: haha no matter how early i end sch, i had to stay and wait so so long for the buddies to be done with their after school activities, like cricket, floorball, oac adventure tower etc etc. anyhows, nothing much eventful, just had eclub which was like whoo! (insert sigh of relief) and ate out at tampines mall where she bought many many cute cute items home. and i got her farewell present, which, i've yet to start doing. SO DEAD. haha it's more worth it for them to shop for small gifts here because clothes are just so not worth it. i cant wait to go over and buy tons of clothes, and accessories, and shoes and all, haha not so much of the studying and sight seeing though. just shop shop shop.

31st july: swensens' at airport after school. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIMIKO. haha it was to celebrate rimiko's bday. took tons and tons of pics, got much closer to some of the taiwan people. and i cant believe we spent like 1h+ counting the bill. AND taiwanese arent used to staying out late! haha like 8pm want to go home alrdy, oh well, i hope it will be fun there man. can u imagine, like 8pm go home from the night market? ): haha.

1st august: ohohoh school was a dread today. wth. singfest tickets were gone. and so were many other intangible things. like friendships. but like what angel said, hello ah, if they be my friend just for the singfest tickets, then im utterly disappointed. ): haiz i dont know. life is so f****ed up. okay i dont usually swear. so yeah, i guess im really getting more vulgar nowadays. shit. someone snap me outta it. went to thaipan for the 1st time in my entire life today. the butter squid was really good! and ice cream chefs with the girls after that. haha hate that area, cannot get cab one. oh wells, anw, like 3/4 of the activities are spent with the taiwan people from tj, and it had been really really quite fun, just tiring and all

2nd august: sentosa! im burnt like crap. my nose is peeling. haha got dumped into the sea, and and played volleyball. got closer to more of the taiwan people, and yup, it was quite fun! :D went over to my grandma's house after that with xinrou, haha she was totally amused at my cousin and all. and after that, it was off to angel's house for a stayover! (without my buddy, oh crap i feel so bad for dumping her behind, but this is like once in a lifetime so yea, and she didnt want to come! ): ) details cannot be leaked here. can ask me if ya want (: we slept very very late (or should i say early) and i totally stayed until after lunch.

3rd august: before chionging home to change. and off to town again to take neos with xinrou and my sis, and for her to try the ice cream wrapped in bread. and then chionged off to pierce her ear. and then off to the singapore flyer which was OMG nice but overrated. ): i wanted to puke. and it's like $1 per minute. DAMN. but the sunset from up there was really nice! just that it was foggy and i couldnt see indonesia. but come to think of it, why would i want to see indonesia?!

4th august: had lesson observation as part of the experience teaching through service learning scheme by moe at temasek primary. omg the p5 kids were so cute! was utterly pissed off today again, by some shitass issue. anw, let's not talk about that, and and we went to tampines mall again to eat. haha. supposed to watch money no enough with the taiwan people, but my buddy had work to do instead (like do a powerpoint slide for the farewell dinner this wed, i hope i wont cry or smth)

5th august: 2.4 run today. crap. my timing was bad. (our favourite number is, um, 99) HAHA guess my position! no point for guessing it right! (: lesson observation again later. p1 kids. just realised i have tons and tons of work to do, just that i'd been procrastinating non stop. once they go home, it's no more play and more work. sucks man.

this whole immersion thing is definitely more fun than the hangzhou one i had at the end of sec3. oh man. at least taiwanese kids have more of a life! (: shall send them off at the airport on thursday. and i'm gonna TRY and get into my study mode. because...

2. it's 7 weeks to promos! -screams

3. im super worried for pokxy. haven't been talking to her for so so long. and things doesnt seem too good. but no matter what, hang in there pal, im always here and you know it. :D

4. i really want to go for a sleepover again. ):

5. i guess we all have a secret life. do you? because i think i do. and not many people know about it, except like lets say, omg 1?! yeah. it's this side of you that you cannot show to the world because they will judge you for it. you will lose your credibility (not to say i have any to start with) and people will start viewing you in a different light. it is this side that you try to hide. and one day, perhaps, someone else will know.

6. i've found the reason for me to not die so fast. (:

7. thank you for showing me the world. thank you for all the fun times and wonderful memories. though short it may be, it's the longest journey of both self discovery and exposure ever in my entire life. thank you for all the joy and crazy moments. thank you for all the time spent with me. thank you for loving me for who i am. i love you, alaska. (:

8. come to think of which, i've been seeing ___ _____ for like almost all 7 days a week for the past say, 6 weeks?! omg.

9. hello, and if you think im attatched just because facebook says so. or that i am like glued to my phone or smth in school, just to let you know, im not. (:

what if i turn bi?

2008-08-01T16:10:00.003+08:00

im alone at the airport now, frantically trying to change money so that i can go back to school. because, I JUST LOST MY EZ LINK CARD. DAMMIT. ):

while, trying to destress to extra shot caramel frap at starbucks, and mashed potatoes and cheesecake bites at popeyes later.

DAMN.

2008-07-31T23:35:00.004+08:00

it's important that we treasure all the time we have with someone.

and when the time comes for us to go our seperate ways, there will be no regrets.

it'd just be the tears, not of joy, not of sorrow, but of one full of hope and happiness for the other person, knowing that the other person is better off somewhere else.

happiness, it's describable, yet indescribable.

it's something you have to try it out for yourself.

sorrow, it's indescribable.

it's something which you wont even want to try it out at all.

so please, make every moment last.

there's no point being sad and all.

because, you wont know when the time will come, when the real sorrow will take over.

and you'll realise, that the whole process before, was a much happier one afterall.

and then regret will come, for not spending enough time together.

and to those who think im attatched, im not.

live and love. live with love. live for love.

2008-07-31T23:25:00.003+08:00

hello hello. there's tons for me to blog about. but it's like i reach home everyday at 11pm++ so so so, there isnt much time. and im not really sorted out with my thoughts and feelings and all. haha and as much as i dont wish to be cooped up, i cant help but feel this way. so sorry to those who had to see the ugly side of me these days. :( hahaha and im really sorry if i've hurt anyone with my foul mood and vulgar language. omg it's really getting very bad. anw, i'll blog again once everything's settled down. haha and hopefully you'll all see the chirpy side of me once more. (: meanwhile, here's a quick lill post to tell you, that this blog isn't abandoned! :D

2008-07-26T00:15:00.002+08:00

taiwan buddies coming over tmr for 2 wks of homestay. say byebye to life ):

anw, crescent's speech day tmr, hoho so exciting! AND AND AND it's like after that right, i have to go and buy the welcome gift, AND AND to meet the buddy all the way at MOE Edutorium, AND AND to rush for a family dinner with the dunno how many million cousins and relatives frm my father's side (someone's getting married i think), AND AND rush off to meet the taiwan gang again to go for the night festival. SIGH I HOPE I DONT DIE. ):

i love alaska, and not-alaska very much. (:

thanks for showing me the world.

2008-07-23T11:19:00.002+08:00

i was looking through my sms inbox and saved messages today. and i realised, that i've really grown. and all those messages through the tough times that say "it's okay, it'll be fine" etc etc, "you'll survive", is all true. what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. i thought fairytales didnt exist, but they do i guess. life isnt bleak. haha. took me long to get that point. oh wells, and a lot of people had grown as well. (just by seeing how the messages evolve) (: for the better in fact. and i could really see all the lessons learnt, the way the brain gets wired differently, different thoughts etc. and for this, i'm glad.

2008-07-22T22:41:00.003+08:00

after many suicidal thoughts,

i've decided that i'm not gonna die so early.

all thanks to the beautiful australia pics that i saw.

and i realised that i've haven't travelled around the world yet, so how can i die so soon!

sigh, how foolish was i.

2008-07-22T22:06:00.007+08:00

these are some notebook covers that i totally love, and agree with. i'll love anyone who'd get me this! (: haha just kidding.

(i totally agree with this)

dark knight surprisingly made me scared and sad. haha. it's very tragic to know how some people can change from being so angelic and nice to becoming so mean and evil, all because of the threat and manipulation of someone else. and the good always has to hide, or escape and not let anyone know about what they had done, with those more outspoken ones claiming all the credit instead. this, sad to say, happens not only in the show, but in the real world as well. and only this time, batman is not here to save the day. fear, is indeed, the only thing that would create chaos.

2008-07-22T12:03:00.002+08:00

there's so many things running in my head, in my life, now, i dont know where to start. (which explains why i havent been blogging for so long)

1. i really think blogs are facades, which wont be true all the time. it's just there for people to see. and only when you really start to talk to the person, can u really know what is everything about. we always try to put our thoughts on to blogs, but yet not state the exact situation, and much is left to one's imagination. we try to use chimo english to describe how we feel, to show the feelings of pain, of joy, to try to show the situation we are in to the world, when in actual fact, can never really be fully describable in words, only human interaction/experience can fully show. we get sad when nobody read what we write. and worried when too many do. when all it takes, is just simple words so show how we really feel.

2. im getting worried for pokxy. and i really want to meet her soon.

3. it's like nowadays, at different point of the days, i'll start missing different people. but it always boils down to the usual few. especially these days, i keep thinking about a05, and all the fun times we had ponning class, gambling, abel trying to commit suicide (: just simply puts a smile on my face. people i want to see right now: angel, yuexi, yiwei, study buddy gang, dee, a05!!, g2 pals, games gang, clown. (in no order of importance i swear)

4. it's only when bad things happen to your life, that you will really know who truly care. thank you guys so much for being there the past few days. it hurts to know that when u cry in class, and no one bothers to come over and ask are you okay. it hurts. i wasnt much disappointed about how you treated me, i was very disappointed at how the rest reacted. (see what i mean of we cannot really describe the whole situation!) and i cannot believe the world is so childish. so yeah. and what my big sister said really made me think: it's not as if you would still keep in touch with them 30 years down the road.

5. i finally know what it means to love, and be loved.

6. i love heart to heart talks. (: been spending the last few days doing that. and im loving it.

7. you would never believe this. i sat in a ____________. :D but im not a materialistic person.

8. i got a huge craving for popeyes now. shit.

9. you think i might be bi? okay, i know you are freaking out, please dont. help! :(

10. e-learning week is good -> i can go out. e-learning week is bad -> no one is free to go out. e-learning week is good -> i can slack and pretend that im doing work (which i always do, and everyone thinks im the busiest person in the world, wow), and there's not much work to do. e-learning week is bad -> i am nagged at to pack my room. :(

2008-07-17T22:29:00.002+08:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

hossan leong has the same birthday as my sister. i can imagine myself fainting now. why can't it be meeeeeee ):

and i think i found his hp no. OMG OMG OMG someone please stop me. OMG OMG OMG.

2008-07-17T20:25:00.004+08:00

i dunno why i'm feeling this way but yea. all i want to do is to curl up in my bed and die. either that or sleep in an air-coned engine-on car. or dig a hole in the ground and never surface ever again. i guess i need a break. something like go to the beach and scream my lungs out or smth. and i dont even know the cause of this whole shit crap issue. okay, actually i do. and i think it's very unfair for you to judge me like that so yea. oh wells, please dont mind my mindless rantings. i just need somewhere to type everything out and just ahhhh, you know what i mean. and counting that so many stuffs been happening lately, at school, at home, i think its quite normal for me to feel this way huh. okay maybe not. shit i think im getting into depression. my uncle and mum said tt i've lost some weight, and and and symptoms of depression is like: suicidal thoughts (okay not really, but i'm recently very cool about death, like it doesnt really matter to me, i can die now and i wont mind, smth like that), weight loss, anti-socialness (i'm quieter than usual in class, and my mind's always thinking of the end of sch) and and i cannot remember. ohoh i think the next symptom is memory loss or smth. ): i like swimming because i know i dont have to struggle to stay afloat. i like swimming because when i cry, the tears look like swimming pool water. and i like swimming because every single part of the pool looks different, and amidst the grey clouds in the going to rain sky, i can see the patches of blue, and that looks nice. i like bowling because when the pins go down, i feel like im at the top of the world, and i can be as pro as i wanna be. i like bowling because by focusing on hitting where, my mind goes blank and i dont have to think about all the crap that im thinking of now. but but but, i get so utterly sad when my score doesnt hit the avg i always get. i think im too much of a perfectionist.

ohoh and did i mention that angel totally made me cry. not once. but twice. (fills the page with hearts)

it's friday tomorrow, and im really really excited. i think im turning into a, nevermind. alcowhorelik

get me away from here, i'm dying (okay actually i wont mind if you just let me die)

i'm afraid of what the world would see me as.

i'm afraid of what you would think of me.

2008-07-16T22:02:00.002+08:00

my life is screwed up upside down.

but i'm thankful for the friends i have.

those who would stick by, when the world walks out.

thank you. (:

2008-07-15T15:30:00.003+08:00

hello, here's a very very insightful article by Sumiko Tan (my favorite columnist!) i saw in the Straits Times last sunday. (: it's really worth pondering: whether does it matter to us what people think of us. and personally, i think it does. especially since the weird strengthsfinder quiz thingy that was compulsory for us to take states that my traits were: Woo (win over others), communication, positivity, empathy (WTH), individualization. haha.

woo: People who are especially talented in the woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person.

communication: People who are especially talented in the communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters. (what rubbish)

positivity: People who are especially talented in the positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

empathy: People who are especially talented in the empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives and others' situations.

individualization: People who are especially talented in the individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.

okay, true to a certain extent. but read carefully, dont you feel all the points sound the same? either that or i'm really really like that.

back to sumiko tan:

Does it matter what others think of you? 

Yes, if it has to do with work, but otherwise, I frankly couldn't care less

Recently, my office embarked on the mother of all performance reviews - 360-degree feedback.

Some section editors were selected for this pilot project. We were assessed by not just our bosses - as at the traditional year-end appraisal review - but by our peers and subordinates too.

Each of us was rated by five bosses/peers and eight subordinates whose identities were kept a secret. They scored us on qualities such as decisiveness, fairness, integrity, teamwork and composure.

They also had to write down things about us that we should 'continue doing', 'start doing' and 'stop doing'.

A score was tallied for each quality, and we could compare it with the overall average scores of the others. We then had a session with a consultant who walked us through our results.

The aim was for us to become more aware of our shortcomings, work to improve them and hopefully emerge better managers.

I don't know about you but I've always been apprehensive about hearing feedback about myself.

In school, I'd cringe at my teachers' remarks in my report cards, even if they tended to be positive ones such as 'pleasant', 'polite', 'quiet'. (I was a trouble-free child.)

At work, I approach the year-end appraisal season with a heavy heart.

I take positive comments about myself with a pinch of salt because, inside, I know I'm not that great a person or worker. Yet I react to negative comments with some umbrage because I know I'm not that bad a person or worker, either.

In any case, the 360-degree project provided some interesting feedback.

Unlike the year-end appraisal, we were judged on not just our performance but also as a person.

I received some generous comments but also some of the other variety which made me reflect on myself and my working style (the exercise worked, I guess).

Will I be a better manager for it? I don't know, but at least I'm trying to, among other things, curb my apparent appetite to 'micro-manage', learn to 'delegate more and relinquish control occasionally', and 'start talking to more people in the newsroom'.

The 360-degree exercise threw up other home truths: It is hard to please everyone, and not everyone is going to like you even if you try to win them over.

It works the other way round too: I don't necessarily like everyone, even people whom others like.

So much of human interaction, whether at work, at home or in a social setting, has to do with chemistry.

You either have chemistry with a person or you don't, and you will know it the instant you meet.

Chemistry is hard to manufacture even if you try. It can be a passing thing and need not lead to a friendship. If it does, it can also die when the relationship ends. Chemistry is no guarantee that ties between two people will last forever.

It is also a different animal from love, or lust, at first sight. You can fall head over heels for someone yet realise later there's no chemistry between you.

A few weeks ago in the course of work, I met two men from the same organisation.

One I couldn't click with, I don't know why. We were polite to each other and braced for the sort of small talk one must engage in, in these business situations. But we had nothing to say after the introductory pleasantries were over. Conversation frayed. My mind raced to patch the silence but I drew a blank.

I took to the other person much better. Maybe it was the way he laughed and how he reminded me of the sort of guys I knew from school, I can't put my finger on it.

But I felt comfortable with him and though we had been strangers a minute before, the small talk was effortless and in no time we even got to talking about his son.

Blood ties don't guarantee chemistry either. There are relatives you click with and those you don't. Even parents are known to have better chemistry with certain children.

This social ease, or unease, you have with others manifests from a young age. Kindergarten pupils form alliances with some and not others. It carries through school to the workplace.

There are colleagues whom I click with even though they might be 10 or 20 years older or younger, and others I can't even if we are close in age.

There are those I can share a joke or sarcastic comment and know they will get where I am coming from, and me them. Others you feel awkward with and even if there's nothing unpleasant between you, you avoid going into a lift with them.

I suppose the kind of people we get along with says a lot about ourselves. Whether we're conscious of it or not, we measure people against our own interests and values. Those who seem to have a similar outlook - even if it is a gut feel on your part that they do - you connect with.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman writes about human rapport in his 2006 book Social Intelligence: The New Science Of Human Relationships.

'Rapport exists only between people; we recognise it whenever a connection feels pleasant, engaged and smooth,' he says.

'But rapport matters far beyond those fleeting, pleasant moments. When people are in rapport, they can be more creative together and more efficient in making decisions - whether it is a couple planning a vacation itinerary, or top management mapping a business strategy.

'Rapport feels good, generating the harmonious glow of being simpatico, a sense of friendliness where each person feels the other's warmth, understanding, and genuineness. These mutual feelings of liking strengthen the bonds between them, no matter how temporary.'

It does hurt when you realise someone doesn't like you, but should it really matter? Should you care what others think of you?

I suppose you should in a work situation where the reason you're there is to get things done, and it's hard to do so without teamwork.

If you don't get along with your colleagues, you won't get their full co-operation to see a task through, and it is unlikely they will show the enthusiasm and commitment needed to see the task through well.

But outside of work, I frankly couldn't care less.

I start from the belief that I should be nice to everyone. But if it is not reciprocated or if I can't connect with the other person even if there are no bad vibes between us, so be it. I'll move on and not look back.

I can't control how others think or act. What I can control is how I think and behave, and to me, life is too short to be marred by unpleasantness.

We can't be indifferent to human interaction, but to keep sane, I want to surround myself - yes, all 360 degrees - with those I can click with, and keep those I can't at bay.

frankly i couldnt agree any better. (:

2008-07-15T15:08:00.002+08:00

i've been online since i dunno what time. and i haven't done a single shit. best. stupid itunes. i swear i'm hooked. (:

song of the moment, by belle and sebastian (who sang the pizza song in juno soundtrack!), totally reflects what i'm thinking: get me away from here, i'm dying.

aiya, just let me die:

Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying

Ooh! Get me away from here I'm dying
Play me a song to set me free
Nobody writes them like they used to
So it may as well be me
Here on my own now after hours
Here on my own now on a bus
Think of it this way
You could either be successful or be us
With our winning smiles, and us
With our catchy tunes, and us
Now we're photogenic
You know, we don't stand a chance
Oh, I'll settle down with some old story
About a boy who's just like me
Thought there was love in everything and everyone
You're so naive!
After a while they always get it
They always reach a sorry end
Still it was worth it as I turned the pages solemnly, and then
With a winning smile, the boy
With naivety succeeds
At the final moment, I cried
I always cry at endings

Oh, that wasn't what I meant to say at all
From where I'm sitting, rain
Washing against the lonely tenement
Has set my mind to wander
Into the windows of my lovers
They never know unless I write
"This is no declaration, I just thought I'd let you know goodbye"
Said the hero in the story
"It is mightier than swords
I could kill you sure
But I could only make you cry with these words"

2008-07-15T11:53:00.002+08:00

hello hello,

it's 11.50 on a tuesday morning. yes, i've ponned sch once again (: but this time, cause i'm really sick okay! my cough's been like there since a week ago, and just when i thought i've recovered from my "no voice" phrase, this morning my voice is like :S

haha and i dont miss school a single bit. (:

can't wait to see edweewee at hci tmr! for the taiwan dance pract, which i dont even know a single shit about what im supposed to dance. hehe.

last night was a disastrous experience so yeah. dammit.

oh wells,

just keep going strong! (:

planet fitness trial starts next week. hoho intimidating i swear.

2008-07-14T23:09:00.003+08:00

steps to calming down (according to me):

irritation to screamings to anger to bitching to crying to more bitching to listening to "lean on me" to the wiping away of tears to making sense out of the lyrics to smiling.

2008-07-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

i hate my fonts. there's seriously seriously something wrong with it. GRR. ): anyone knows anyway to fix this? ):

2008-07-14T22:00:00.006+08:00

i never knew a song could make me cry. until today.

thank you so much <3

my stitch/b is for big sister/pants/bad influence/inner voice/soul... and many more. (i cant rmb what else right now :P)

Lean On Me - Michael Buble

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain

We all have sorrow

But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

hello hello, i went dempsey again on friday (: i love going to dempsey. but of course i cannot tell you what i did there, so that's for me to know, and for you to find out. (: haha but if you're really curious you can come and ask me. but please, dont judge me because of that. oh, and did i mention that i love going to dempsey? (:

life's a beach. yes very true. haha and to think i was in my oh-so-depressed mood last week, whatever for man. sigh, i guess we all have those times when we get under the weather, and everything doesnt seem to have a purpose (well, i still think so now, but just not so bad), and we all have some days when we get into our "lets wallow in self-pity and sorrow" mood, but i'm back and bouncing again, so yay! (:

to those out there who are feeling like this, just stay strong, hang in there, and enjoy the ride. (: and to pokxy, dont stress okay! it aint that bad, im sure u'll survive. you've survived i&e comm so why not? considering the fact that i was very hard to work with okay. haha. (: and to angel, i'd be here, anytime. (: promise me... -winks

loads of shit to do, loads of shit to think of. ):

hello you, i think the feeling just died away every since i saw that page in your life. i dont feel as mad as i was before anymore. should i? or should i not? let me go write down into my pros and cons book man.

its only monday, and i cant wait for the weekends already (:

2008-07-10T22:29:00.002+08:00

OMG.

the tune for I did it my way by Frank Sinatra and Comme d'habitude by Michel Sardou is the SAME. dammit. comme d'habitude (which means as usual in french) was sung so much nicer by hossan during the show. (:

anyhows, i dont know why but work just keeps piling in, and i'm still not driven crazy yet. surprise surprise! shit history lesson today, now i have to hand in this essay for my friends to mark. wth. and i didnt do the tutorial because i really really lost my notes. dammit. can't believe he actually made me like stand in front of the class and teach. wth la, i dont even know what the question was talking about.. cause i lost the paper in the first place! grr. and to make things worse, he even had to shine the projector onto my face and the light was like killing me. i swear if i was wearing contacts, the lenses would have melted already. okay, im damn grossed out by history.

just did a test on this strengthfinder thingy, which is like compulsory, and my strengths are like WEIRD.

anyhows, final final jcts results out tomorrow! i cant wait to see my grades (though they suck like shit. like eeesu or smth) ):

it's so fun to go home with chunhan and angel. haha.

how the heck am i supposed to finish my eom in like 1/2h!? ):

i need to manage my time more properly.

okay, im still damn grossed out by the same tune thing. you mean there's really no creativity left in this world? ):

2nd last econs lesson with ms wong today ): i swear she totally called my name like 10 gazillion times, but since i wont be able to hear it any longer, i just let her call. haha. (: i'll really really miss her heaps man. ):

my vocab's so restricted and limited that if you dont know me, i sound like a kindergarten kid fiddling with blogger. ):

TGIF. tomorrow!! (: (: end of the weeks always sound so fun. friday nights + saturdays = no study day! but then but then. i have to attend this un seminar thingy at ralc on sat, 8 to 5.30 OMG shoot me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL NEO :D

2008-07-09T23:14:00.003+08:00

i like talking to my inner voice because that is when i really find out for myself who i really am.

you might think im crazy, but yea. haha.

i like talking to my inner voice because that is when i can sort out my thoughts clearly instead of them being lumped up in my head and i get all emo instead.

i like talking to my inner voice because i would be able to see things in a different light.

i like talking to my inner voice because my inner voice gives me hope to live on.

i like talking to my inner voice because i get the feeling that i'm grown up.

i like talking to my inner voice because my inner voice can read my mind and know what i want to say next.

i like talking to my inner voice because the conversation never stops.

meeting = nerve-wrecking. but i'll survive (:

2008-07-08T23:30:00.002+08:00

agreed. totally.

agreed. minus the wrinkled parts.

2008-07-08T20:27:00.001+08:00

"Good life starts only when you stop wanting a better one".

i shall be contented with what i have. and stop ranting. complaining. and think more positively. yes, i shall do that.

and work harder for my econs (which i had let the world down with). (:

2008-07-06T21:46:00.003+08:00

i feel like this starfish on the beach.

1st glance at this pic, you'd think wow damn nice sky.

look closer, and you'd find that the starfish is all alone on the beach.

no it isn't fine.

though the sky's the limit, and there's no obstacles whatsoever blocking the starfish, the sad thing is, the starfish cannot move! :( so no matter what, all it can do is just to sit down there, stare at the world go by. how sad.

okay no. now i dont really feel like the starfish. at least i can go stuff to help the world. like go volunteer in africa or smth. and if i die there, i wont have any regrets, cuz i know that i've done something meaningful in my life. what makes me feels like the starfish is the alone part. sometimes, dont you just feel that you are alone in this world? and that some one up there is controlling you, like in a sims game? and every single one of your actions is so transparent. and i think that feeling sucks. ):

there are so many million and one grey areas in life. and i dont like it. :( why cant things be a lill more simple, just tick or cross la. so hard meh.

come to think of it, if i happen to die now, i wont really mind. no regrets. (: but like what yiwei told me via msn, it's damn irresponsible, people have to clean up all my tasks and think about all the mess i leave behind, like the people i leave behind. nono im not thinking of committing suicide, it's just this idea. swear i wont drop dead and die. but what if. what if i ever do. who would cry the most for me? what do i exactly leave behind? isn't it better that there's a lesser burden for the world to bear? okay fine, i promise i'll like watch over my dear ones in heaven, and when they all die, we can like meet once again. ta-da, happy ending. but as jim says, there will be times, when someone will think about you, and miss you dearly, and you can't get the feeling back just by looking at the picture. i know how this feels. and it sucks. ): but of course i wont bear to die _ ______. so yeah maybe now's not the time.

"so don't think that when you're gone it won't matter, it will, to some, not all, but there will be people..."

i've found my inner voice today.

literally!

it was so real, just like me talking to my soul.

i never knew that there was someone 95% like me.

i heart angel.

time does matter, or does it not.

the way that humans interact is so weird. it's like you can spend all your life getting to know one person, when in actual fact, at the end of the day, you dont really know that person at all.

and some things just come naturally to you. you dont really have to look that far, to find that all you've been looking for all these years just comes smacking right in your face in an instant. everything happens damn quick. and poof, there is it. a month was all it took. in the middle of the night, you know who to call. at last.

alcohol is the anesthesia to the pains of the world.

2008-07-06T17:20:00.002+08:00

i can't help it but post this: reading the emo blog of others' makes me feel sad. and somehow, i feel that i can relate exactly to what the whole entry(s) is trying to say. maybe i'm just being too overly sensitive (as usual), or that whole world is going through the same thing (which is highly impossible) and all that happens is part of life.

have you ever had the feeling of loving someone,

and not knowing if the person will love you back?

yeah.

i think it's the insecurity that makes me feel scared.

i'm amazed at how fast the world is falling in love. and it sucks to not feel that way to. ): okay shit, i need to get away from this peer pressure thing.

i'm off for a run to get my mind off things. (:

2008-07-06T16:38:00.003+08:00

ikea is the new love. (:

it brings me so much joy to step into that place!

and of course, i started my impulse shopping spree all over again. hehe.

bought like very very nice 3m long of rainbow boxed wrapping paper, and 3 sets of 8 colourful hangers and this orange gardening can which i totally psyco-ed myself that it can be used as a magazine holder.

haha and guess what. everything cost less than $10. WOW.

i love ikea because..

1) it really lets my imagination run wild looking at all the possible items that can be created from that plain item

2) the meatball rocks

3) they have rainbow and striped stuff eg, carpets, mugs, cups, spoons, forks, lampshades, wrapping paper, bedsheet, chair, notebooks (which i NEARLY bought on impulse, until i realised i had not enough $$$), posters, photo frames, SOFTTOYS and tissue paper. omg my heart melted

4) the ice cream rocks

5) they were having sales today!

if i ever have a home, i think i'm gonna decorate it to be very very rainbowy and very possibly ikeay. but of course, i just want a nice home will do. dont have to be big or anything. just nice. (: i love love love love the rainbow items in ikea, and i wish i have the $ to buy everything ):

throat's better today, but i still croak, which explains why i couldnt sing during mass just now. and it sucks that the guy next to me kept staring cause i produce very very horrible noises, that i just decided to shut up halfway through. but at least i can talk properly now though (:

supposed to be doing the eclub ppt now, but look at what im doing. ): shit shit i need to be more productive.

meanwhile, i miss a lot of people a lot now. ):

21-25 july is e-learning week at tj = no school = time to go out yay!

haha (: -winkswinkswinks

if you want to go out with me do tell me k (:

youth day holiday tmr.

meeting up with the mrt gang and games gang (: hohoho it's been a long long time. at least there's something to look forward to. and guess what, i'm back to my 4-day week routine again. (: or maybe this week shall be 3? considering the fact that i dont usually go to school on fridays (if mt sees this im so dead).

i love you of course.

2008-07-05T22:20:00.004+08:00

one of the reasons why i hate coming online: seeing work to do ): hate it know. it's like when i open my email and ta-da! chinese lit essay due dunno when, i just go NOOOOOO and hurry up close the screen. what a huge procrastinator i am (:

anyhows, these 2 days had been fabulous. (:

at least now there's something to look forward to in school. or rather, the journey home from school. come to think of it, life isn't such a drag anymore. (:

it's very scary yet heartwarming to know that there's this person out there who is like 95% totally me. (even the very detailed details, which i dont wish to talk about here). :D

anw, went out with b is for big sister ytd and today (today was totally random cuz it wasn't planned). ytd to watch movie and today to eat popeyes. haha it's like my first time eating popeyes (what a toot i am) and boy, it's nice :D at first the mashed potatoes were like weird. but after a while, i was so hoooked onto it! and the double chocolate brownie is yumyum too! (no it's not gravel with chocolate sauce). and we were like cheap skate kids drinking some cheap bottle on the bench, which gives no kick at all. last night's one was good. haha ribena with sparkling juice (obviously mine, cuz i'm totally underage) and arnold palmer. (: it's damn fun to go out with someone older, cuz you can do all sorts of things like watch m-18 movies and do illegal stuff, and no one would care (: okay, if my mum sees this im dead. shall stop here. but anyhows, it does no justice to post such a freakin short paragraph for 2 fun days out. but like you know, i feel rather insecure bout who reads my blog and all, so yeah if you wanna know just ask me. (: of course, there are some details that really really cannot be told. if not, my image would be totally screwed (you know what im talking about -winks)

haiz, sometimes blogging is such a waste of time (oh no please stop me im into the "blogging is useless" mood again, like 5 months ago). seriously, i cannot really really say what i want to say out here. and it's sometimes just a facade. oh wells, maybe it's time to move on to livejournal for me? where i can create private posts and all. (:

meanwhile, the dinner with yiwei on thursday was good! oh gosh, we really could start off from where we left off the other time (like 3 months ago) and everything just felt so same again. i really love my bbutt. (: haha but it was such a pity that i had so many things so say, but my shitty throat has failed and i have this very very croaky sexy voice now. which explains why i sound like a man. and it doesnt help that the taiwan immersion teacher today totally thought that it was a guy who was speaking, when it was me actually. ):

my organisation structure of this blog sucks, and if you are ever a gp teacher, i would have totally failed already. back to the point, dempsey's the new love :D :D :D went with b is for big sister ytd and i totally heart heart dempsey and her (: should really go back and explore again someday and try out ps cafe (which mt and jim totally love), and the choc marshmallow cake is like OMG OMG.

there's a lot of things i want to say now, but can't really remember, either that or quite hard to express out with my limited vocab. meanwhile, here's a song i love (i know i've posted it up before), but recently, it really really held deep meaning. and it's like the ideal song any guy can sing to make my heart melt. (:

Greatest Story Ever Told - Oliver James

Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could have prayed for
Here you are

If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand
Tonight it's you and I together
I'm so glad I'm your man

And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
tonight

I don't hear the music
When I'm looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body
Close to mine

It's the way we touch, it soothes me
It's the way we'll always be
your kiss your pretty smile
you know i'd die for
oh baby
you're all i need

tonight

2008-07-04T13:23:00.001+08:00

"stich" is a taboo word.

2008-07-02T22:33:00.004+08:00

it's all a facade.

actually everything in life is. (esp in tj hehe)

very rarely can we really open up to others and really be who we are.

and it's only when we find such a true pal, that we have to treasure that person even more.

thank you so much for being there (:

everyone of you who has made my life complete.

omg. i really really wish blogger has a lock now, because i really dont know who reads what and who reads not. ): apparently some people are reading and i dont know and this sucks. anyways, eclub meeting today was a total disappointment. i am disappointed with myself like the most. seriously, the attendance sucked. like 8 people. and it's even shittier when some people dont even cooporate. like it's very hard to get the members' attention already, and you are down there pushing the blame around and acting very smart. really, i dont see why u think you have so many things to do when all i can think of is like what 3 things? oh wells, no point pushing the blame around already.

got back cll test today. haha i finally passed cheea lit after soooo long! woohoo (: it's like a just pass but who cares la, considering the amount of time and effort i put in to study (which was like 2h only). at least im no longer the last in class anymore! (okay 2nd last) but still, hahaha all is well. (:

i guess we really didn't prepare to see this prob occuring. and contact time being cancelled just made things worse. and the stupid fonts cannot even work on the normal windows computer, that i got so pissed off and bought the cable to connect the mac and the projector, which costs me like 39bucks. ): i really hope that eclub wont die under me. 1st time only and it's so screwed up. argh ):

i should stop living in self-denial and work harder to create nicer powerpoint slides. eclub mtg was as good as i thought it would be, but it's okay, there's always next week! :D

i bet the whole world is as disappointed in me as i am in myself, esp those that came. i bet they think what lousy crap is this and how shittypoooey i am. but on the other hand, why do i care so much bout what others think? okay okay, please get a grip of yourself pearlyn, and just hang in there and make the 2nd mtg a blast. yes, it will be. (: i hope. nono. yes it WILL be. oh dammit, why isn't the self-psycoing thing working on me today!! ):

played with the stupid tongtong machine with b is for big sister at tampines mall today, and guess what, stich came out again! urgh i dunno why is that that everytime i play with the machine, i ALWAYS get stitch no matter what. and that sucks. ):

*pearlynisilveronicanadahairloweenblowingatmesototallyguanbinladenDENGx4.

why isn't the "empowering ladies and leaders of tomorrow" rubbing off me?!? ):

life is so full of contradictions. ):

kill me, i just lost my voice. ):

2008-07-01T22:39:00.004+08:00

many many things are happening right now my head's spinning in a whirl. i'm living in a state of fear and denial. and shock and worry. and contentment and resentment. and of stress and relaxation. yeah contradictory (again as usual) i know. but really.

tmr's my first meeting with eclub. i'm so damn worried that the powerpoint will screw up. that the bod wont be able to work together. that the meeting will overshoot, or be too short or smth. that tomorrow will be in a state of chaos. urgh. sigh, and it's true (and sad to say) that eclub isn't my top piority now, and i'm in no right to say that the other bod members are not putting in the effort and commitment to eclub, since even me, the md is not giving it my all. i should freakin change my last minute attitude and start working earlier, instead of like worrying at the last minute. but it really pisses me off that the bod members (some) are like wanting to leave early in the meeting. if it's valid reason, i can understand. but every week?! and i can't believe that everyone wanted a subcomm cause things were "too much to cope". okay, i know that you have no clue wth i am talking about, haha it's just rants. and reflections. just skip on to the next post if this is a sore to your eyes. (:

but anyhows, i guess all i can do now is to totally set a good example and devote more time to eclub! instead of like going out to eat ice cream with liting at ice cream chefs (hehehe), but the ice cream at ice cream chef is indeed YUMYUM.

and speaking of the meeting tmr, i dont know why im getting so traumatised over it. maybe it's cuz as much as i love my macbook, i have to admit that i'm such a total macbook noob, that i dont even know that macbook cannot attatch the freakin cable of the projector to it! damn damn. and the powerpoints made on mac totally will be screwed up when viewed on windows, vice versa. equals to i have to redo the powerpoint on the lao kok kok tablet lying on my sister's table. ): and i cant create nice powerpoints like angel. ): speaking of which, i am so super afraid that we can't live up to the expectations of what other have of us, that we are such a disappointing batch and that we are a failure to live on the legacy the previous like what, 5 batches have left behind. ):

but i guess that it is times like these that we really discover who we really are. our strengths and weaknesses. i've been through worse and i can and will go through this. (: it's only a damn meeting, come to your senses pearlyn! if you think you are alone, please reassure yourself that you are not. i think i need to trust my bod more. really really. i am not alone. i am not alone. i am not alone.

at the bod mtg ytd, we totally set an aim for ourselves, to increase the profile of tj eclub and change the impressions of what the others think of us. as long as we hold on together, and learn to open up and trust each other more, i think it is coming very near to realisation. well, at least the so-called power struggle (which i totally am not involved in, thank god) is subsiding already, and we are getting to know each other more, and that's good! (:

i totally love the paperchase + rainbow stripes notebook which is now my official eclub notebook. (: it helps me organise my thoughts and all my hopes and dreams for the club. was reading through the message by angel on the first page, and i really draw strength from it. self-psyco-ing works! "your role is to keep up the positivity and hopeful spirits of your directors. once doubts start to fog your visions as a family, you guys have to hold and support each other and keep going strong, no matter what" because pearlyn, dreams do come true.

come to think of it, it'd been 5 long years. pokpok was just telling me that i must be firm. since 5 years ago, when i first stepped up as a junior councillor, to sec 3 , being a councillor and like project director for i&e, i have never booked like anyone (except that time when mrs neo totally told me to book this girl, and i didnt even have a pen with me!, and times when i do gate duty). gosh. and i really really seem like a very nice and kind person?!?! like a pushover (omg esp by that soe person today, grr). i need to stop being such a failure and a pushover. there are times when i have to learn to stick by what i want, and go for it. and even push people around. that's what pokxy said, sounds harsh? but worth a try. i don't believe that after 5 freakin years and i still cannot master the art of being firm. i should totally go commit suicide if i still cannot make it after this year man. ):

but of course, it aint only eclub that's bugging me now. i wish blogger can be like livejournal and have private posts. den i can totally make this post private. and write all my heartfelt thoughts here. ): i thought my home was where i feel secure, can like unwind after a whole long day, and really just be myself and think about life a little. but now, it's no longer the shelter of security. ): i cant stand going back everyday and hear the same things all over again. and with so many things happening outside, it's not helping that i still have to deal with the things at home. ): i need you to understand what i'm going through, but it's damn hard for me to even put the message across.

come to think of which, i doubt i can pass my jct ): 2 h2 passes is super hard now, considering the fact that i already have a S for h1 math. and although i haven't gotten back the econs paper, 11/25 for the damn essay is bad. and ms wong totally told me tt i am last in class for case study or smth, that i did damn badly. sigh, so maybe like 5/40? and now i have 16/65. i totally need 31/100 for a subpass, and 38 for a pass. that means like 15 marks and above for my next essay? gone case. cause it's totally out of point. chinese lit tomorrow! so exciting. i really wanna find out how much i can squeeze out with 2h of last minute studying, like 2h before the paper, over lunch summore. (:

pw is such a waste of time.

i need to get my life back.

let's pon sch on friday (the day when pearlyn is forever absent, hehe)

can't wait to meet my bbutt yiwei soon! :D :D

i am thankful for all the wonderful stuff, people, places, happenings in my life. we can't have everything, but that doesn't mean we dont have anything. we can't do everything, but that doesn't mean we can't do anything. thank you for being you.

"if you want to be happy, be"

2008-06-30T22:14:00.003+08:00

1. seriously hossan last night was seriously good. i am so in love with him. and his singing. and the songs picked. and the company. (heart) (heart) i think i am going crazy. hossan leong is the bomb. his brother is rather cute too. that's it man, i'm so gonna listen to 98.0 his morning talk show on my way to sch tmr. i hope i wont die laughing on the bus.

2. thanks angel and angel's mummy for fetching me to sch today! (: haha stupid BSB, and ew so gross cannibalism blog post. i'm thinking whether i should put the gory post here. haha no harm eh? since no one reads anyway (: congrats on passing maths angel! :D

3. "empowering ladies and leaders of tomorrow". how true. i'm so proud of yuqi for being in exco! yay 3 cheers to my dear! :D i know you've always wanted that right? dreams do come true! and i'm extreamly proud of my dear pokpok yuexi for being CRESCENTIAN OF THE YEAR! you get your name engraved on that weird plague to be displayed at the go. (: 3 cheers for pokpok! haha and for me, i'm gonna go back for speech day on the 26th to get my silver award. gahh. better than nothing i suppose. and serena's in council! seeeee leaders of tmr. haha crescent lives up to her legacy.

4. visit back to crescent today (again) with adelicia, shuyi and lois! haha camwhored like siao. and i think i'm going back too often, teachers dont find it surprising to see me around anymore. not like it was in the first place.

5. rushed back from crescent to hold the first bod meeting today. not as bad as i thought. we can work quite well huh (: well, somehow, in the last 10min i guess. at least we managed to plan out 4 meetings? yay clap clap clap

6. i can't believe i got more than a single digit of maths. (: 24/55. fail but still, haha it's no longer single digits omg. i think ms lin will be so proud of me. (:

7. seems like i cannot get my absolut colours already ):

From the Avenue Q musical (which i'm dying to watch. and cannot get the $15 tickets for; which hossan totally sang last night) - meaning of the song is so for pokpok. haha i really hope things on her side will last. (:

There's a fine, fine line

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

2008-06-28T12:14:00.002+08:00

okay, finally back to a normal post.

yesterday was fun fun FUN to the max. hoho (:

went back to crescent after frigging horrigible h1 math paper (which if i can get 1 mark out of the total of the 55, i'm counted v lucky alrdy) to shift all the fwa books back and collect my o'lvl cert!

i think crescent is getting very foreign now. cuz mt wasn't in sch ytd, and ms zhao, mrs heng, ms lin weren't like free ytd, there was practically no one that we could find to eat lunch with. but i really really need to say thank you to my dear pokpok! for helping me shift all the books and files, and making like 20 gazillion trips to and fro, from the foyer to the central staircase, and from the central staircase to the mama store. (: 2 people carrying like 4 boxes of files, and i think 10+ stacks of notebooks will die. i was so sweaty and all, look like i've lost 2kg ytd man. (: stupid pokpok kept laughing at me also when i was dying halfway. haha. and to think at tj we had 4 people to help, and each of us took like 4 or 5 trips each to the arts hub to get a cab. and have to load and unload from the cab. sigh.

anw, the o'lvl cert is preety!! :D

and i truly enjoyed my 30cents chin chow, 60cents (price went up by 10cents ):) ice longan and the always-so-wonderful "chao fan jia dan" (: hehehe it's one of the cheapest and nicest food i've ever eaten for a long long time. sigh, crescent canteen food is nice afterall. to think we've been complaining non stop for like 4 years omg.

met mr lee (both), mdm lim (thanks for the resources!), mr tan ty and mrs lau (eeks! :D) hahaha at least the touch is still not gone (contradictory eh). and grace and qixuan! haha we were thinking of having a g2 class outing soon. sigh. and ohoh i met joyce (ng) at kino later in the day as well. seems like we all miss g2 quite badly. but it's weird as well, as in we can survive without each other, but when u start seeing so many at the same time, u just wish that you were still in g2, having that little corner of the class on the 3rd floor that you can claim your own. (: where you can dump all the files and papers, but have to hurry up pack with the councillors came to do cleaniness check! haha. and i still rmb the time i was on the cleanliness duty. so funny can. purposely gave my class the highest points and we from the dirtiest class became the cleanest class in a week! :D those were the days. sigh. and i still rmb cecilia and her oh-so-messy table (and hair!) haha. but she was a really great partner man.

anyhows, met up with angel and chun han and nan xiao afterwards and we chilled out at the coffee bean. omg this couple so shamelessly slept like right smack in the middle of the coffee bean, with the girl lying on that guy's shoulder. and the guy just slept like that! how can he sleep lor, like there's no support?!?! and he gotta support the girl?! surprised he didnt fall of the chair man. and after they woke up which is like 30min later, they started their PDA, frenching, touching here and there, inside outside, everywhere. OMG. the pervert and social escort = PS (i love you!) had a super super hilarious time laughing until we could train abs already!

and the highlight of the post exam day was to meet up with the g2 sakae gang! hehe. (: the last time we met was like after o'lvls man. sigh, those were the days (: eddy hurry up send the photos! cynthy, eddy, heidy, kay, amelia. love the all. ate at waraku (and bumped into dee! again haha) and took many many retarded shots by the river. and many many very scandelous shots in the restaurant. everyone grew preetier! haha like they all have the "im so in love" look. and i think i've become older and more weathered ): but pokpok say i didnt change at all. haha okayy. celebrated the first half of the year babies (cynthy and heidy!) birthday and just basically laughed the night away. :D yay cant wait for us to meet up soon again!

taiwan immersion taiwanese kids are coming over to stay on 26 july. until 8 aug. eeeks! 26 july is like crescent speech day dammit. ): i hope i wont miss it man. if not i'm so gonna go for speech day (haha what a bad buddy i am). and im gonna be going over on 22nd nov to dec 9 (winks super a lot to limin), i hope i wont come back with a weird taiwanese twang, and act cute actions (ew).

i'm very excited for tmr's outing w my big sister! :D

to pokxy: cheer up pal! :D dont needa get so upset over it k, i'm sure you will be able to work things out! meanwhile, my shoulder's here for you to lean on, anytime!

2008-06-28T12:06:00.003+08:00

How Deep Is Your Love - The Bird and the Bee

I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again

And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave
And its me you need to show

Chorus:
How deep is your love
I really need to learn
cause were living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
Youre the light in my deepest darkest hour
Youre my saviour when I fall
And you may not think
I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do
And its me you need to show

There's something seriously wrong with blogger. grr. first my tagboard disappears and a take gazillion attempts to post this lyrics of the song i'm currently in love with up. ): and the font and size is all screwed up. maybe i should just switch to livejournal or smth

2008-06-26T22:23:00.003+08:00

-postsecret

i dont think i understand myself either.

1 more day to liberation! can't wait can't wait! :D it's not even the end yet and i'm already playing like mad hehe. last paper: maths. duh what do you think.

i'm typing on the keyboard now like i'm trying to play the piano, the lazy method. no wonder i keep needing to backspace. sigh sigh.

it makes me wonder why all mr good lookings are gay. sad know. look at wentworth miller, bryan wong, hossan leong. (okay good looking in my opinion, as you know i have weird tastes) what a great loss to the world. ):

something i've learnt today: people that collect notebooks are trying to fill up that gap in their life that they cannot accomplish (something like that, eh angel what's it?) and i think it's very true. just look at my whole notebook treasure chest and u'll know. (:

1 more day.

can't wait to go eat the fried rice at crescent tmr! HOHOHO.

edit.

ARGH. what's wrong with the stupid tagboard. grr.

2008-06-24T09:02:00.000+08:00

http://www.gaydar.co.uk/hossan
http://blog.power98.com.sg/hossan/

:O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

oh wells, i cant wait to watch his show!

2008-06-20T23:49:00.002+08:00

i'm at pokxy's house now (:
ahhh cant believe absolut colours celebrate gay and lesbian rights ): but i still want a bottle a lot.

my english is getting very limited.

class enemy is the bomb. though it's filled with vulgarities and sexual scenes. sigh, i love watching plays.

off to mug. hehehe. can't believe i'm saying that man. ): ms wong was very nice today to sit down with me from 10 to 4 to crashcourse me econs. i really love teachers like her. (: reminds me of the good old crescent days. sigh.

2008-06-18T22:58:00.003+08:00

urgh blogger just screwed up my previous post, cutting out a whole chuck of stuff, which i can't rmb now. urgh. merchant court buffet was damn good. but it's killing me now. i need to lose weight. dunno why, but my english standards are horrendous now. must be cause of chinese lit, but not say my chinese improved either. in fact, it's deproving too.

i miss yiwei. sigh. we haven't met this hols except that day when i went to pick her up from tution. im always the one the cannot make it. shit i feel so guilty now. im so sorry pal! ): we promised to meet every hols we have, but this hols, the meeting was so minimal. we'd been friends for the past 11 years, either i go her house, or we go out tgt. haha and it's weird to know that we used to hate each other like hell. and now we love each other very madly. i really really wanna go out with her, but jcts arearound the corner. and and i havent touched anything except the tiny part of cold war. kill me ):

and and bod have to meet up soon. im starting to feel the stress now, what if the 1st meeting turns out to be a flop? and. wth am i supposed to do on the 1st meeting! ):

2008-06-18T22:32:00.002+08:00

this is so SEXY. 3rd sept winkwink :D (i bet * will love it too)

eventful week last week.

chocolate buffet was the BOMB. thanks to mt and jim (: i love them a lot. haha though we were all so full already and didnt even have 2nds and we totally didnt eat 32bucks worth of chocolate but it was a really really freat time catching up! well, at least the cat's now out of the bag, and all the juicy juicy updates are out already. hehe. i'll let you'll know about chapter 4 and 5 another time. (: took a lot of crazy photos (waiting for pokxy to send) and we met with a very unusual smurf car! -screams and saw the limited edition white carebear -screams. we seriously owe them both big time man. can't wait to see mt again on 27th (: haha i miss crescent fried rice ):

ohoh and our random phrase to "eh maybe can use the wii to let us be fit" actually came true, because crescent is gonna have 10 wii sets to let crescentians "be fit" oh gosh. i never knew ideas could become reality like that. so fast. so furious.

volunteered for the 30h famine camp last sat. i love love love the teeshirt. and andrew damian kenneth and i had loads of fun doing the registration counter. hehe. (: shall wear the shirt for i&e camp at the end of the year. can't wait! :D speaking of which, I GOT ACCEPTED FOR TAIWAN IMMERSION PROGRAMME! :D :D :D my mum's scared of earthquake and she's not very willing to let me go. sigh sigh. freakin 18 days i hope i'll survive and not turn to a total ah lian when i come back. haha.

chalet on sun, mon, tues. HAHA so fun. A05 came down to play. gosh. i haven't had so much fun for a very long time already! we went to escape, and sat the inverter and all. shit scared. esp the pirate ship. really cannot feel the seat man. and i think * is cute. (: sigh, despite many last minutes pangsehs, i must say that a05 had really been the most bonded class EVER. and i'm missing all the fun times, and every single one of them already. ): even budiman. ):

and study buddy outing ytd was the bomb. <3>

went out with mummy today and bought tons of clothes, esp from the mango sale! and this very very cute pair of flats (one side giraffe!! <3>

come to think of which, my studies are in a mess.

my life is kindda in a mess too. but seeing my pals totally cheer me up. (: cant wait to sleepover this friday yay!

sometimes, i think that since the world is gonna end in 2012, why bother spending the last days of my life studying? (stupid calvin ahhh) and like the fun had, friendships forged and lessons learnt this hols, they're priceless. and definitely worth much much more than the stupid a level cert.

2008-06-05T22:42:00.003+08:00

im finally back from camp. (phew) though camp can still be improved, i must say it was much much better than what i expected! :D as you can see, im quite a perfectionist, and when things start going wrong, i try very very hard not to freak. camp was filled with many many ups and downs. sorrows and happiness. but i truly enjoyed every (well, most parts) of it. afterall, how can you not like your own camp when ur the one planning it? (okay, actually i didnt really plan much except come out with the timings and venues, and all the logistics blah) :D

day 1

went to camp with loads of expectations. comm was supposed to meet at 7.15 but no one was there yet, except rach and justin. gosh. and before we knew it, the uncle didnt want to open the innospace for us cuz he said we only booked from 9. after much persuasion and confusion later, he finally did. and that was when we realised, that the innospace didnt have any projector at all! :S rushed practically to everywhere in the sch to find a projector and when we found an open classroom with a projector to screen the intro video, the projector had no cable! sigh sigh. rushed to the theaterette to get the cable (thank god it was open) and it really didnt help that some people didnt think it was important, and only stood there to "pour cold water". grr. i really really thought the camp was doomed from the start, and was super worried that things wont go well. that explains the stressed look on my face, sorry guys! but nevertheless, the show has to go on, and i keep telling myself to keep smiling. if not everyone's mood will get affected. sigh, what crap. anyhows, after the participants had all arrived (with like 60% appearing 30min late) we started off with the ice breakers. and i got news at this point in time, that our bunks werent't ready yet, due to taekwondo still using them. ideally, we were supposed to check in during lunch, so i didnt think much about it, since we could just use the innospace to put our stuff. however, this change will just shift our timetable up by 1/2h and rachel got so panicky and all. im so sorry rachie! :( but im so glad ice breakers went well, and everyone got to know their tribe better and had fun (at least). hehe. lunch went smooth as well. until, 1/2 the jcc had to leave for exoro competition. oh my. and then again, got news tt the bunks still cant be used yet, and we had to wait till like 5pm to check in?!?

100 sec no ng was a great game. in charged of the luck station, and haha so funny la, seeing all the people running around and getting so flustered in winning me at throwing the dice and finding the ace in the pack of cards. anw, shit situation again, instead of them completing in 3h, everyone finished in like 1h 30min instead. damn. no back up games, nothing for them to do. and everyone started playing cards. urgh. so fustrating, but im so glad tt i finally learnt how not to blow my top and try to gather everyone and scream so tt they can hear me. sigh. tiring i must say. came up with like back up game of trust fall. but nobody dares to fall except dorea -claps, most of them were playing captains ball instead. sigh. i really stopped hoping that camp would be good cause of so many screw ups in these short few hours, but seeing the efforts everyone had put in really kept me going on. and before we knew it, we had our bunks! yay! :D and then, cock up number 4765865754 came. mrs ang thought that the night walk was gonna like disturb the residences nearby cuz guitar was camping the night before and they got complains. so, she wanted us to scrape the night walk once and for all. damn damn damn. i really felt like smacking everyone then. and wanting started crying. and see her cry i also felt like crying. rach was totally brokenhearted. cant believe she just took the phone and started arguing. we came up with an alternative, that was to push the nightwalk forward to 10pm instead and end at 12. i really really admire rach for having so much composure. seriously, all i was thinking of then was to hurry up slam the phone down. and then, dinner was bad as well, we didnt have enough food, everyone was just going opposite to eat, terry felt damn bad, tried to comfort her, then we went across to buy food back, as well as to unwind a while. and then, it was really like a stab in the heart when we saw people packing their bags and leaving halfway. wanting and i really like cried again, cuz we were thinking, is camp that bad until they are fed up and leaving? really really hated myself for doing such a shit job, our mood was from like 70% become 10% and really really, without the jcc to cry together, i really dunno how to pull through.

but luckily, the night walk was a huge success! and everything just never stopped getting better. lesson learnt: never stop hoping. haha so funny la i acted as a ghost with justin being emo and supposedly trying to protect me. but failed terribly, cuz he ran all the way back laughing in this evil laughter in the dark, totally pulling me along and freaking me out. sigh. and and and after night walk was the best cuz i finally finally was able to sleep out in the open on the field with angel! haha. she's my big sister whom i love very very much (self proclaimed by her). anw, it was just fun looking at the clouds and talking. and i kept seeing black figures but i just didnt dare to say anything. :S can't believe i only slept for 1h that night.

day 2

nothing much really. just hotdogs for breakfast, and i was totally disappointed with some people. cuz they dont know that the timeslot is theirs, and had to keep everyone waiting. sigh. big highlight for the day was the versus games. quite fun i must say. i was in charge of the chicken captains ball station. yes, it's like you throw a chicken instead of a ball. very very gross. and halfway thru the head dropped out. and the leg (drumstick) dropped out. and the poor station master had to go and pick it up, risking getting hit by the chicken. phew, thank god the chicken was always so far away. again, i was with justin. i dont know why but this whole camp im always like together with him. grr. and and and daphne and angel kept disturbing the both of us. tsktsk. me actually. seriously, there's nothing going on between me and him okay. anw, after the big big tribal countdown race i was covered in flour. ew. and the stupid grass was flour filled too. had to like clean up, and i was again, very irritated by someone cuz she just kept bugging me to do something else, or ask what she has to do. i can understand if it's like once or twice, but like everytime. sigh sigh. my patience is getting outta control. shit shit.

anw, concert afterwards was quite fun. got some malu video of me trying to cry. everything's up on youtube (thanks to joel, grr) including the intro video, just search tj eclub june camp or smth like that. anyways, the concert totally overrun. and we had very very no time to pack up and all. and the announcement of the bod results was the shock of my life. i cant believe they played a prank on us (that was totally very real, omg) haha and i ended up as the assistant md in charge of marketing. hahaha very very shocking cuz i kindda knew a bit of the comm before hand, den suddenly like that. anw, we were all given a box to open, where the real post of ours would be inside, and and and i am the managing director of eclub! haha. seriously very shocking. i dunno why but i started crying. oh well, embarrasing story from here on. shall not mention. (: anyhows, i do hope that the bod will work well together and we'll not let anyone down. yups (: ahhh, pokxy i need your help!! ):

i am in love with the new paperchase notebook where i get to write down my thoughts, dreams, wishes, and things to do for the bod meetings, eclub meetings and all. thanks angel (: things arent gonna be easy, but i hope i'll survive! i love her heaps!

i am damn pissed off by * for not believing me. if you dont trust me den dont pick me. fullstop.

i know i am loved, but yet i still feel insecure. :S

i just came back from under no roof 2008, this poverty camp where you getta sleep on soggy cardboard on muggy grass, have baked beans and sardines with plain rice for dinner, eat plain white bread and banana for breakfast, and spend gazillion years trying to build a house made of paper. but luckily my group was good. hehe. the stupid guys from vj totally tricked us by changing their names at the start and introducing themselves differently. :S anw, the company was great! i love peiting, eileen and wynn. (: and not to forget my dear guigui who came down to visit us and got herself malu-ed. as well as POKXY (: (: for popping by to say hi and see that i was alright. yay i love you guys heaps. (: it was great getting away from technology and losing track of time for 30h, but by the 2nd day noon, i was dying to see my phone already. and, after i got it back, i would rather not have it. stupid * come and spoil my day. :S :S :S

i need to start studying NOW. so far far away behind time. i am so dead. :(

2008-06-02T22:33:00.001+08:00

i'd be off for eclub camp frm tmr till wed. please hope that i dont die frm fustration and irritation.

2008-06-01T18:29:00.002+08:00

i believe in fairytales. (:

there's a lot of things i want to say, but i'm very lazy to type them out. and.. i'm in a very confused and heck care mood right now, though i want to make things better. life sucks.

special thanks to guigui for showing that you care. (: for calling me and asking how i was. i'm sorry for not picking up your call, cuz ur like withheld. and i swear its pure coincidence that i didint pick up your call today, cuz i got 14 missed calls frm withheld. and i wasn't sure if you called (if you did). D: i miss my crescent friends a lot. i miss the crescent building actually.

"xi shui chang liu" is a song that totally represents how i feel right now. so it is true as the time goes by, we'll still laugh at the jokes we used to laugh at? everyone's becoming more tired. and definitely older as the days go by. ):

2008-05-30T21:55:00.002+08:00

i really wanna watch "seriously hossan". haha he's such a funny man. anyone wanna come? :D

arts fest had made me arty farty. hahaha. finally redeemed my free tix to class enemy, ah q, rhinoceros, small metal objects. yay yay yay! so sad for all the wrong reasons is sold out :(

oh wells, i hope yuexi had fun on her bday ytd. haha it was totaly madness, cuz i planned this treasure hunt for her at botanic gardens, and den pa-kat with suikim and liting to scare her at lunch, and junlong to scare her even more at lunch, and edwyna and chuting to scare her at dinner. haha so fun. (: i love my pals.

finally met yiwei today after SO LONG. gosh, everything's the same, we started frm where we left off, and i guess i really really do miss her. :(

haha giraffes show today at raffles place, great experience (apart frm that irritating woman who kept bossing us around). managed to take pics with the hot angmohs who were the giraffes, and with the giraffe costumes itself. i love giraffes. (:

seriously, i think some people should have a life man. come on, it's the HOLIDAYS. i dont get why people like to bug me bout sch stuff, when sch's already draining enough. can't i just take a break for a pathatic few weeks before sch starts again? and please be more reasonable and less rude when you call. thanks.

2008-05-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

it's good to be reflective.

arts fest opening and kidsfest today was the blast. i made many new friends who share the same interest as me! hehe. and im glad to know tt one had offered to teach me maths, and another is gonna pass me her sis' cheena lit notes. whoopee! :) at least by making friends at such events, i wont have to worry bout doing alone, in case someone doesnt turn up again. grr. but but but, if you're alone, u'd be more open to the people around you and make friends easier. not so cliquish and such anymore. i think volunteering gives u much exposure.

come to think of it, the hols have just started, and there's a lot of things to do (apart from studying) and a lot of people to meet. sigh, just hope tt when we meet up, it'd be successful and not a flop or smth (as always and i hate it)

i was so pissed off with someone today for pangseh-ing me twice in a row!! grr. it's like the singapore arts fest, and ur volunteering for it. how can u just back out like tt last minute. even i can change my schedule to help out so why can't you. sometimes i wonder whether am i on the correct path or not. everyone is so busy with their own things, and it's like im free like nobody's business. i love to meet up with my pals and have loads of fun with the ppl i love, but it's like everyone is not free or smth. last time, i used to book them only a week in advanced. but now it's like 2 or even 3 weeks. i guess friendship takes commitment and effort. sometimes i wonder if im taken too for granted for. it seems that im always planning the outings, the meetings and the activities we do together. if i dont bother to contact anyone, no one will contact me. and i'm so sick and tired (again) to be the one planning things and thinking of places to go to, only to get disappointed in the end due to the bad attendence and blah. now even worse, people dont reply my msges of meeting. sigh, i know the world is falling in love, boyfriends are now the top piority, and new friends are near the top as well. i always believed in make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold. but apparently, i can see that this trend is no longer there.

i think i am being forgotten...

2008-05-23T09:39:00.004+08:00

it's very irritating to note that some people out there just do not want to cooperate. so you did not get the post you want, doesnt mean that you dont put in your best to make the camp a success. doesnt mean that you can go around insulting people. and not meeting datelines. i'd have sent you to exile in siberia if i could really. you dont know how hard the job is, and all you are in charge of is a tiny section of the camp, make so much noise already. ok fine so you arent happy that i got it and you didnt (sorry being a bitch here), but hello.. please come to terms with it la, what can you do now except to whine about it and trying to slam me every now and then you can, why not stop wasting the energy on such useless stuff and put your best to rush out your proposal instead so that i can compile and send to the 1001 people up there that i gotta send to. grr. i just dont know how to work with these kindda people man. i must say the work environment in tj is very very different from the one in crescent. the people here are like so no eq. and bossy. and just trying to do things to get some shit credit for themselves. and i thought the vice was supposed to support the chair. and not secretly go find the teacher and not let the chair know, and in the end repeating the info and getting scolded. damn you.

on a lighter note, board of directors elections last wed, it doesnt really matter that i dont get the post, as long as the person leading is a capable one, and will do his/her best to lead the club well and not boss us around. that's what really matter.

meanwhile, go listen to connie talbot songs! im so in love with her voice. (: www.connietalbot.com

2008-05-16T12:15:00.003+08:00

decided to pon school today to complete up my 2 history essays (which i havent started), chi compre, maths tutorials and pack my room. but however, look what i'm doing now. :P

been searching for people's names on google and found many many interesting info. somehow, everything links back to crescent. and it's really cool to see a positive post about someone on someone's blog. sigh, i wish my name will appear like that one day, when i have the guts to check out my own name. hehe. it's nostalgia all over again. ):

decided to find the guts to run for eclub bod (board of directors). i dunno if im making the right choice in doing so, but i really wont mind if i dont get it. and i do hope that if i get it, the comm will be nice. like the crescent one (: but as mentioned before, the feeling wont be the same! ):

and why do you have to appear in my life ):

2008-05-15T22:48:00.002+08:00

it's fun keeping my identity a secret over at ___'s. :D

shit man. 17 x 2. why me. why you. i know it's damn impossible. and it's not supposed, NOT supposed to be this way.

oh why do i feel this way. ): ..... (must be romanis!)

speaking of which, i really miss sa.

I'm starting to feel the stress from JCC. damn damn. it's so hard to live up to the expectations from the year before, considering the fact that they did such a great job last year. luckily joel was at camp last year, so he can assist us a bit in the planning. if not, we really dont know where to start. and that will mean die la die. if the camp turns out to be a flop, i'd feel damn guilty. sigh. hope the comm can work well together (:

i'm super dee duper excited for i&e comm dinner tmr! yay! no matter what, the feeling would never be the same, no matter where i go. the company, the stupid things we do, sigh, i miss those days.

2008-05-14T22:12:00.002+08:00

2 days ago, when i was brushing my teeth and getting ready to sleep, suddenly a phone call came and told me i am project coordinator for june camp. wah i swear my toothbrush like dropped on the floor. so super shocking cuz i didnt expect it, and am not ready for it. die la die. it's the top post for the entire june camp and i'd be leading another 11 people in the june camp committee. according to last year's jcc, they got like auto posted up to the board of directors, smth like that. now another question is, should i even run for the board of directors? just looking at today's meeting, i didnt even seem like the one in charge man. and there's 1 or 2 out there who wanted the post damn badly and didn't get, and i heard from _______ tt they are intending to sabotage the camp and screw me up or smth? ):

pokxy said that a leader has to be firm and decisive. HAHA. i laughed like mad when i saw the msg, cuz i was neither. if you know me well enough, i might just be the most fickled person you ever know. well, but we all have to learn (acc to pokxy again) and this is just the right chance for me to learn la i guess. haha she is really really the epitome of the perfect leader, and i really really admire her so much x10000. in i&e last time, i was just the one who just flooded her with info, and she just decided whether to go about doing it or not. haha. it seems so easy to make decisions ah, but actually it's not. u gotta consider so many stuff. ahh, driving me insanely insane. it's only the 1st meeting today, and so many stuff to clear. not to mention on friday i got south east asis history test, cll test, cll compre due, sea essay due, korean war essay due, econs case study due, 7 freakin maths tutorials due. maybe i might just pon sch on friday. hehehe.

and i cannot stand my maths teacher. ): i hated maths. but i liked it back then in sec3 and 4, haha i guess not anymore. stupid stupid. i am NOT motivated to do maths anymore.

stupid jumpshots also cannot upload i dunno why. all that's keeping me hanging now is to meet my dear comm and revive the memories all over again on friday night. (: i love you guys heaploads.

2008-05-12T21:11:00.002+08:00

never ever in my wildest dream did i even think i would meet GUIGUI at citylink today! in case you are reading this, I MISS YOU HEAPLOADS GUIGUI ): how come you suddenly become so tan!!! ): gosh, we got loads of bitching and catching up to do!!! SIGH SIGH WHEN WILL I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN MY DEAR! ):

and. i thought it faded away but apparently it didnt. closer pals would know what i'm talking about. i cant believe i saw ***** at city hall today too. sigh. haha and adelicia said i was blushing like hell when i saw *****. GAHHHH. i thought i got over it already!! ): ): ): stupid stupid.

boring day tmr. sigh. end at 1.20 but everyone else ends so late! except eddy, lala, sylvia and sab! hopefully can meet them and study together. hehe. chinese lit is killing me :S

People Need Love - ABBA (i know it's a really old song, but hey the meaning's there!)

People need hope, people need loving
People need trust from a fellow man
People need love to make a good living
People need faith in a helping hand

Man has always wanted a woman by his side to keep him company
Women always knew that it takes a man to get matrimonial harmony
Everybody knows that a man whos feeling down wants some female sympathy
Gotta have love to carry on living
Gotta have love till eternity

People need hope, people need loving
People need trust from a fellow man
People need love to make a good living
People need faith in a helping hand

La la la la, la la la la-la, la la la la la la la-la la la
La la la la, la la la la-la, la la la la la la la-la la laa...

Flowers in the desert need a drop of rain like a woman needs her man
If a mans in love and his woman wants the moon
Then hell it down if he can
Somebody who loves you and somebody who cares
Isnt that what youd call a friend?
Gotta have love to carry on living
You can have peace if you understand

People need hope, people need loving
People need trust from a fellow man
People need love to make a good living
People need faith in a helping hand

La la la la, la la la la-la, la la la la la la la-la la la
La la la la, la la la la-la, la la la la la la la-la la laa...

People need hope, people need loving
People need trust from a fellow man
People need love to make a good living
People need faith in a helping hand

La la la la, la la la la-la, la la la la la la la-la la la
La la la la, la la la la-la, la la la la la la la-la la laa...
La la la la, la la la la-la, la la la la la la la-la la la
La la la la, la la la la-la, la la la la la la la-la la laa...

2008-05-11T15:55:00.002+08:00

if you don't say, there's no point asking anymore. i feel so sick trying to keep in touch with everyone. and planning everything. which won't work out in the end anyway. i was hopeful of i&e comm outing, but i guess not anymore. ): i'm just so sick and tired of trying to keep in touch with everyone, but in the end, who's the one coming to me? it's just a lonely lonely life.

on the other hand, crezawards on friday wasn't as awesome as i thought it would be. left half way for supper instead. i miss my study buddy gang so much ): supposed to celebrate wynn's bday but didnt. and went for crezawards instead. sigh. those were the days. jumpshot pics esp! ):

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY MUMMY <3

2008-05-08T22:03:00.002+08:00

1. go check out hossan leong's version of "we didn't start the fire" on singapore history. cool stuff. haha i laugh until i died. other wise, "we didn't start the fire" is a good song to summarise the cold war. haha. come to think of it, the history notes piling up on my table's making me puke.

2. im finding back the joy of consultations after econs consultation with ms wong today. i can't believe 45min was all it took to let me understand 2 chapter. -clap hands

3. wynn's bday bash tmr! :D +crezawards. haha heard it's gonna be the last year cuz the stupid _ is banning it. wth. our culture is erroding (just like joy luck club) :S why aren't we even called crescentians anymore man.

4. mel's farewell dinner tmr. dont feel like going for some reason, but for mel, i will. (:

5. weekends weekends! :D :D :D

6. somehow i dont feel the sense of urgency yet for june common tests.

7. i should pack my table soon

8. 2 more weeks to june hols! :D :D :D

9. there's this really cool project i wanna volunteer for, but dont think i have the time to. it's on 080808 where 43000 people would come together, and form a big heart shape, and recite the singapore pledge, i think it's part of national days celebrations. haha they're looking for motivators, but all like >17 years. so i can only be some chief motivator thing. but dont think got the time to la. sigh sigh.

2008-05-07T21:26:00.004+08:00

hello bitch, thanks for ruining my life. i guess that's what you love to see so yea. i dont get it when you said you didn't care, you didn't bother bout me, i have totally nothing to do with you. yeah true on the 3rd part. but if that's the case, why then when you need help or someone to talk to, im the one you look for? when you needed someone to talk to in the middle of the night i was there to talk to you. and now that im not alright, it's my fault. fine. you don't give a damn about my life? neither do i. (okay this sounds so immature but true what) if you were such a great friend, you would have noticed that something was amiss, when i didn't turn up, didn't pick up the calls, didn't reply your messages so instantly unlike before. but no you didnt, all you did was to blame me. for getting a break out of everything, and in the end getting angry that i wasn't there. think. were you here when i needed you? just by seeing the replies of your messages, so blunt and so piercing, i just didn't feel like reply them anymore. there wasn't the usual care. the usual love. so maybe i was just a tool. someone you could use when no one was there for you. when everyone else was busy. yes, i was hurt. but i got over it. and hurt becomes numb. so many times it happened, so many times i've gotten over it. it just means nothing anymore. all just a facade. i really don't see why i should just keep giving in, and end up apologising everytime. just because everyone gives in to you, do i have to do it to? i'm getting so sick of your selfishness and self-centeredness and stubbornness. i don't see why i should give a damn about you anymore. but yet, i don't want this friendship to end this way. because, the time spent listening to you talk, treating you to ice cream, bitching on the phone for the past 2 years + actually because somewhat of my life. i don't know what i should do. i think i just need a break. from you. and the world? i don't know. sometimes i wonder why don't i retaliate and say smth to hurt you. i guess the feeling's just so bad, i dont wanna put you thru the same.

everyone is pms-ing. so am i. i don't get what's wrong with my mum, i didn't do anything, and she comes home and start scolding me. we don't even hold proper conversations anymore. ): life sucks, take drugs.

taiwan immersion interview ytd! gosh, i can't believe how informal it was. i hope i'll get it, den it'll mean 18days of shopping in taiwan for me! yay! :D

and and and, the duty roster for me as a volunteer for the singapore arts festival is out! do come down and support the shows k! and haha entertain me while im on shift (:

23 and 24 may OPENING SHOW (it's on water very very cool) @ clarke quay 6.30-9.30

26 and 27 may kidsfest! @ drama center 1-5pm

28 and 30 may outreach @ raffles place 12-2pm (notice 29 is free, reserved for someone special, winks! :D if you're reading this, please keep your day free)

2 to 6 june outreach @ raffles city shopping ctr 12-2pm (and additional shifts of 6-8pm on 3rd and 5th)

18 june CLOSING SHOW @ bedok reservoir (another one on water) 6.30-9.30

come to think of it, holidays are in 2 weeks and i cannot wait! haha and vesak holiday is coming up too. double yay! :D and and and i&e comm outing is finally finally gonna become a reality. gosh i'm so excited to meet everyone, haven't had a comm outing to see the full proper comm coming together for so long!! :D 16 may. really cannot wait. <3

2008-05-03T12:07:00.003+08:00

i don't know why but i've been blogging a lot more than usual. maybe it's because i've added blogger to my bookmarks bar. hehe.

oh wells, ytd was just so simply mad and fun! :D :D highlight of the day was meeting ms goh at suntec and pig out, once more. haha. we were as usual, fashionably late, like 45min late in fact. haha. first met edwyna, and realised that pt was still at home! omg. haha and when she arrived, she was right in front of us, but me being blind as usual, cannot really see, but heard her scream so loudly. in the shopping center summore. haha. ate like very little and crapped a lot a lot a lot. haha stupid lame jokes like chicken nut bread and taking photos was like the most hilarious. had to do some weird pose but we all ended up laughing. damn. haha our camwhore attemps were so failure i cannot take it. but it was just FUN FUN FUN! siao and insane to the point tt we even stooped to take pictures in front of the instant passport photo booth. hahahaa. had the not-so-yummy yami yougurt after that (cuz my peach flavour is out! ]:) and decided to hang out summore. cuz it'snot everyday tt ms goh is in singapore right! by then it was around 10+?

yeah, went for a spin in aaron alan's car, and ended up at some marine bowl place, with a lot of intimidating bengs and weird people. gosh, we were so traumatised. but hahaha still had fun nevertheless, with "sir alan (yeah right)" and all the drop bowling ball incidents. HAHA. swear the gps system on the car is damn cool!! if i have a car, it would be nice to get that installed too, haha den i'll never get lost, unlike the m'sia incident. haha. aaron alan sent all of us home, and i reached home around 1.30? yeah. shit man, i miss them all so much now, and it was only yesterday! ):

will post the ridiculously funny pictures up once i receive it!

"and so, i stuff her face into the pillow, and chickennutbread" HAHAHA. :D :D :D

i love my crazy gang so much. (:

actually, wat yingying said was quite right, jc years zoom past damn fast, and the fastest it past the more i dont mind. hehe. good to keep track of things, like on blogger or smth, cuz i doubt my memory is that good, to remember every single detail of my life + cram all the history notes in. ooh ooh, peiting's notes are GOOD man. but just seeing the thickness of it makes me sian to read.

and the talk with yx last night was good! :D hahahahaa. it really gave me the sleepover feeling. my stupid hp ran out of batt like 3 times. grr. but anyhows, i hoped it gave u a clearer picture of things! <3

come to think of it, i think ___'s blog is very very interesting. haha. im highly amused. :D

and there's something wrong with me seriously. the whole world is angry at me, oh well. usually, i dont react back, and try to like resolve asap. but nowadays, i feel angry back. seriously. i hate being accused of things i didnt do (sound like my mother), and if you dont believe, there's nothing i can do. what's friendship without trust? what's friendship with no understanding? i really really dont like the way things are now. it's just so... no say for me. fine den.

life sucks, take drugs (okay when it comes to such issues)

but life rocks! (when ur having dinner w ms goh and gang) HAHA.

2008-05-01T21:59:00.003+08:00

amazing escapade to m'sia last night. reached home only at like 12+am omg. haha the stupid woodlands causeway was jam, so we had to use the 2nd link instead. omg. it was soooo freakin far away from the place tt we wanted to go, like 20+km, and since it was like the first time we used 2nd link to get there, got lost like 1000 times. wah, had to u-turn and all, i was so freaked out. and the roads had no street lamps! haha although i was able to see so many stars in the sky (very very lucky, cuz s'pore stars are like pathatic), i was so scared like anytime someone would open the car door and snatch me away or smth. haha keep asking my dad to lock the car doors, was so super funny. we ended up having dinner at my favourite m'sian restaurant at 9.30 and we were the only ones left. HAHA it was hilarious having all the waitresses staring at you eat. but oh wells, i loved the dinner so much. yay!

earlier on in the afternoon ytd was hustings for june camp commitee for eclub. i was shit scared. fullstop. but anyhows, i managed to survive, and i think i kana criticised so many times, i dont think im up to the mark even if u dump the position of project coordinator or highlights i/c (the 2 posts i hope to get) into my face.

went to grandma's hse today. shit la was supposed to go for mass, den in the end didn't go, i feel so guilty. but oh wells, didnt go last week too. haha and today is ascension or smth? so it's some obligation day, all the more must go. ahhh. shoot me. hahaha played mahjong at grandma's hse, lost $$ to jessie. ooh ooh but i must say, grandma's hse was very very nice! i love love love love love times infinity the walk-in wardrobe. my future husband better agree to one man. if not... hmm hmm i'm gonna make him sleep on the floor. hah. played hedbanz (some game played like indian poker but instead had to guess the name of the word on your forhead) after that, it was so hard to guess omg. mine was some weird cheesecake, and nigera falls?!?!? hahahaha and email is preety hard to guess as well. so is toothpick, and crystal ball, and mozart and charlie chaplin? HAHA. all the questions asked were so nonsensical la. but im glad i went today. no regrets! (:

after that, went to my real grandma's hse for dinner. hehe. i love my ah gong and ah ma a lot. we had yummy chilli crab from bo jio bai, wah so sinful. i keep eating and eating. and on top of that, celebrate my cousin's bday, so another round of cakes (ice cream on somemore!) die. i really need to lose weight.

http://community.livejournal.com/longingtobethin/

edit:

damn, i feel made use of. seriously la, dont just call me out cause you need someone to fill up your time and entertain you until you got something else to do. everyone also like that. i think i've been too nice to people. why should i even spend time cheering you up or whatever man. cause i value this friendship la duh. but apparently everyone's been stepping over the line. gahh. im pissed and irritated now. screw you. :X

2008-04-29T22:04:00.003+08:00

free cone day today! (:

haha finally was able to meet up with my dear cloney. hoho it'd been long man ):

anw, had a really really great time bonding and chatting and all. and adelicia came along at around 4+ too. so glad i queued for like only 5-10min. haha it's either that or the company made time seem so super duper fast. poor jim, had to queue for like 30min, and he was grumbling so much. but oh wells, life is short! should have fun, haha went for the ice cream twice in the end. eh, i was so nice okay, accompany him to queue. (: had a great chat as well, saw weiling. omg. and adelicia said smth, which i shall not repeat here. but it's quite funny.

anw, there's some sort of misunderstanding happening around in sch. this girl is like pissed at me for smth i didnt do. sucks. and it's like i cant apologise cuz it'd show tt i did it, and yet she's unwilling to listen. HOW ):

and, i think i just screwed up someone's personal privacy space - which is the blog. in case you are reading this/happen to come across, please dont be shocked tt it's me, and no, im not the flower girl whoever is she. im not your wife either.

come to think of it, * is rather cute.

to my dear pokpok: hang in there k! i hope everything will be fine, i know it will be. (: hahaha i was quite shocked, yet kindda expecting ur reaction to be like this on the phone today, but fret not! still got me. (: jiayou jiayou! we shall go play wii and eat chocolate buffet one day. yay!

p.s i hope you are doing fine at the other end of the world (literally!)

grr. the more i think of it, the more i feel that ** is so hypocritical. oh wells.

2008-04-28T21:23:00.002+08:00

just a quickie.

shopping with mummy at vivo ytd was the bomb. i bought so many new tops to wear, hehe no worries on having nothing to wear anymore. it was so surprising tt so many people were at vivo ytd, and i didnt even see a single person. vivo sure is big eh?

boring day today. went to sch, supposed to finish my history essay, chinese compo, and study for econs test. but but but, the slacker here didn't do a single thing at all, and ended up eating ice cream instead. mango + strawberry + oreo is a disgusting combi, dont ever try.

left sch early to meet adelicia. gosh. i waited for 1h 30min for her to arrive, and i was as expected, super duper pissed. i really hoped she culd at least tell me tt she was gonna be THAT late, so i can maybe just find a place to sit and do my work. crap. but nevertheless, had much fun roaming around. met edlyn, jingwen and jiaying at long john's, haha really could see how everyone had drifted, but oh wells, it was great seeing some familiar faces around. i really really cannot wait for speech day yay! it's gonna be one of the final final times where the whole cohort will get together again.

anyhows, i signed up for this package thingy at browhaus where we went to pluck eyebrows today, so instead of paying $17 for threading, you pay $10 only, yay great deal! so if ur gonna go to browhaus, and want to save some $$, just tell me, and i'll tell you the secret "code" (:

anyways, i kindda like walking around alone. at first, i didnt get why adults love to shop alone, but now, haha yeah it keeps my mind off things, and everyone aint free to go out with me anymore. either that or they dont want to. so yea, self entertainment.

1. i can't wait for fullerton chocolate buffeet! ):

2. i kindda miss *

3. i kindda miss ** and the times we shared although ** was such a mean and hypocritical toot.

4. i can't wait to meet my dear cloney and dee and bbutt for free cone day tmr! :D :D :D

5. i miss so many people in the world

6. i wonder if they feel the same

life is a sad affair.

why can't we have all the time in the world. ):

2008-04-27T11:55:00.002+08:00

i really wanna go for the andy warhol exhibition at petro center ):

free cone day's on tueday!! :D i can't believe some people out there don't know what is free cone day. hahahaha. okay, im being mean.

piff. hopefully i can finish studying my econs test, do a chinese compo, do my history essay, do my PI draft 3 within 1/2h so i can go out for the shopping spree of the week! haha. haven't been going out to shop with mummy for quite some time, hopefully i'd be able to get many tops and preety stuff.

went for another singapore arts festival briefing ytd, before heading off to study with sylvia. i was productive at starbucks and ben and jerry's, but it wasn't the case anymore at esplanade library. haha. gosh, everyone's falling in love. why oh why. everyone's getting attached before i even know it. why oh why. are u guys sure you wanna lose your freedom so fast?

i bought another bag on impulse ytd. it was really really cute! and cheap. hahaha. $7.50 for a bag, but it was plastic, and everyone said it couldn't last. i regretted the minute i bought it. shit man. but nvm, it shall be my official beach bag from now on. (:

2008-04-25T21:57:00.002+08:00

lazy to type in full, shall adopt the yuexi point-form method. since no one really reads anw, so who cares la.

1. was a busy busy day. rushed to amk hub at 11am to deliver the fwa stuff, sign contract and gobble down something before going to crescent to collect the 300 notebooks, 100 files, 400 bookmarks, and then rushing down to tj to send all the items and eat my lovely yogurt, and then rush down to the mica building to attend the singapore arts fest briefing, before going down for my cut hair appointment. sheesh.

2. i am utterly pissed and disappointed that the sec1s this year are so.. no comments. can't believe they are so vocal. well, it's to the point that i feel like slapping a particular few, so i doubt being so vocal is a good thing anw. at least it's better than being so passive like a particular few, ask questions also dont want to answer me. really felt like slapping them. seriously, esp you and you. ask you shift stuff "HUHHHHHH" so much. den keep going like "why am i here?" "what are we doing this for" "this is such a waste of time, i want to go home now". if you aren't committed to i&e, den don't join. all these is like part and parcel of everything. wait till you go clean the store, you will just faint i think. just because you are a rich kid, get pampered everyday, come sch this kind of stuff dont need to do la! even yuqi does it okay, wholeheartedly. you have no right to complain, seriously. and it's like wait till you see the insects at the back which chews up the plastic bags man, be happy that they dont chew up your hands. gosh. ask you shift stuff to the foyer, take one gazillion years to come back. so that you can shift lesser stuff right? and it's like you order the sec2s around? oh please, cause u are taller than them? you dont have a right to do that by the way. i really really was on the verge of bursting already. and it didn't help that most of them didn't cooperate. ask them go foyer den come back, just stay there only. sigh. okay maybe there was a communication prob, that one i understand. but still, can you guys at least try to cooperate while working together, you guys are a team know. i&e is not made up of one person, trying to order the rest around. tsk. and give wrong order somemore. sigh, there's still like 2 more years before you try out for comm la, be patient can. if you're trying to impress me, i can say that you've failed terribly. if you think im just a senior, not a teacher you can bully me, well i can just tell you that you are wrong. because, although im easy to bully (by a certain few, okay fine, majority), i am still your senior, and you've only been here for like what, 4 months?! really really, we have a certain protocol for doing things, dont just come in here and push things your way, disrupt everything, and in the end think ur the best. well you are wrong. furthermore, everyone has such a tight schedule to meet. you'll find out more when there are more sales coming up man. luckily mt wasn't there. if not, u'd have been sent to exile in siberia. tsk. and ask you shift stuff up the taxi, u go talk to your friends sitting at the foyer. if you dont feel like doing, just tell me, and go home. dont waste my time and energy trying to make you cooperate.

seriously, i have no shit clue why each batch is getting worse and worse. i really do not want to see the day they step up. wah, by then i might be an intern JC3 coming back to teach or smth. so i'll have the right to scold them la, hehehe. :P

3. i am really excited and looking forward to being a volunteer at the singapore arts festival! whee!

4. i am so sick and tired of trying to keep in touch with people. it's a sudden realisation that if i dont contact anyone, i dont talk to anyone online, i dont call/sms anyone, no one will come and initiate a convo with me. life is a sad affair. i dont see the point of such a one-way thing. sigh, like what adelicia said, i'm just so sick and tired of organising everything. seems like if i dont meet you, you wont bother coming to look for me to meet me. seems like i'm just not part of your world anymore. "make new friends, but keep the old. one is silver and the other is gold". what rubbish. im just waiting and waiting for the day that damn phone rings, and i see your name on the caller id, but for the past few weeks, it never happens.

5. why is the whole world falling in love? are boys really better than girls? sooo many people are like going oooooh over guys, well all my close friends at least. and not say i never see the photo of the other half before, let's just say they are not my type. im so afraid they end up hurt, because they will. there's this nagging feeling that tells me they will. anyhows, since no one wants to listen to anything i say, den let them find out for themselves. there's nothing i can do la really. it's just that once you get hurt, it's super hard to bounce back again. i know. because.. haiya nevermind. and and and, i do not trust ah bengs, ah peks, playboys, fake-gentlemen, flirts hanging around with my friends. okay fine, maybe i do take these friendships a little too seriously? afterall, for some friends, i've only known your for like 4 months, and the longest in this list is say, 3 years? sigh i really do not know.

6. please pardon this emo post. i just dont get why friends dump their girlfriends behind once guys appear. or let's just say, i dont have much friends? ):

7. some things are better left unsaid.

8. many things are better left unsaid

9. aiya, i'll just shut up from now on.

10. cause everything is better left unsaid.

bye.

2008-04-24T22:05:00.007+08:00

just talked to limin on the phone just now. sheesh, i really really miss my i&e comm. D:

the times when we conned mt for max brenner's treat (okay fine, it was me), the sentosa planning day, the swensens comm outing where we insisted on paying, and the waiter happily accepted our nets and not jim's credit card! hehe. and all the many more events and rubbish we planned, like cleaning up the mama store (and getting locked inside), celebrating bdays (teachers and students), staying back till freakin late to do the scrapbook for teacher's day, running all around singapore trying to find the perfect louhei, running all around singapore trying to source for comm outings, running all around singapore trying to source for venues for camp, places to play games etc (yes, we do run around quite a lot). not to mention, all the weird sales we had, like for cca open house, open house to public, the amazing 50th anniversary jacket sales, the fwa clearance sale etc etc. sigh. those were the days. D: and also, not to forget, the panic and stress that came along with everything, the "eh, let's settle this first den talk okay" kind of irritation, the "i think this one better.." kind of decision, the "no! listen to me" kind of persuasion. hahahaha i dunno how we survived together, but we surely did! and i really learnt a lot from you guys ): sigh, can truly say sec3 and 4 comm days were one of the best in my lives. given another chance, i seriously won't mind running for, and around, all for comm and for i&e all over again. ): in fact, i'd be so glad to re-live sec 3 and 4 all over again. ):

nostalgia. nostalgia.

when will our annual may babies bday bash come? ):

as we go back in time.. i&e camp'07

further back.. comm outing'06

"running ahead" lni=e camp'o6

HAHA camp'o6

and further further back.. the time when we were still young and innocent :D

2008-04-23T21:03:00.002+08:00

yay tj eclub is willing to do a consignment with crescent for fwa. haha. it really didnt occur to me until today, how much joy selling this kindda stuff and coordinating all the stuff would be. i couldn't stop smiling even until i got home. joy oh joy! and it's like they are gonna take 100 per design, our stocks are going fast fast fast! :D really can't wait for the day that i see the mama store empty. haha shops aren't supposed to be empty, but i guess in this case, empty is really good!! and the teacher in charge gave us each a fortune cookie today, my message inside was "always listen to your heart", it's really damn true. and i guess my heart is still with crescent afterall. ): that's a good thing right? or is it?

anyways, i just found a blog that i was not supposed to find. it's DAMN HILARIOUS. haha now i finally know what that big guy is thinking. seriously, they just seem anything but him in person. HAHAHA i really cannot stop laughing.

ponning sch on friday yay! but it's gonna be damn hectic, cuz im gonna be rushing to ank hub to dump the fwa stuff on the display shelf, den fly to crescent to get the consignment stocks, den fly to tj to dump the consignment stocks, den fly to the MICA building for the briefing for volunteers for the singapore arts festival. woohoo! im really damn happy to be a volunteer, imagine all the free shows i get to watch. hehehe. but sadly, no one wants to do it with me, cuz of the common test crap that is gonna be in end june/july. oh seriously, it's only 8-10 shifts la! what's the world thinking. zzzz. fine, or maybe it's just me. hahaha. i wanna pursue the social sci research thingy, but i guess i need straight a's for all my subjects for both common test and prelims, and that's v impossible.

shoot me.

2008-04-22T21:39:00.002+08:00

gahh, seems like i've totally lost touch with coordinating stuff man. mt says i need remedial lessons. haha i think i need remedial for everything omg. school sucks.

went back to crescent today to settle the fwa stuff for the nebo box at amk hub. gosh, i had to wait for mt for like an hour, and i was utterly pissed. but nevertheless, when i kindda met her i was quite excited to go to the mama store once more (after like 10 gazillion years) to collect the stuff. gosh, the store was in a mess! there was like money that i could easily steal (not that i would) lying everywhere, and the books and all not packed. sigh, i really really miss those days, where we would stay and pack and do rubbish stuff inside, until we got locked in and had to get mt to find the aunty to unlock for us. hehe. but was quite glad tt there was this new system for stock taking, except tt the refrence numbers and all were so damn confusing! and i think it ceased to work alrdy, cuz the line before mine was like last noted in december. omg. in the end, i couldnt go to peiting's hse to help her with her speech, and i was again, damn pissed off when adelicia just pangseh me like that cuz she wanted to go home instead. grrrr. i dunno why, but my tolerance level had been going down by so so much. but nevertheless, going back to crescent brings me much much joy! haha. (: at least i saw __ and __, but it was quite sad, cuz there were like 1000 unfamiliar faces! okay, juniors still can understand cuz it's like diff generation alrdy, but even the teachers were like so different. sigh.

in the end, i had to lug these 3 big red (and i really mean BIG) fugitsu bag down the slope to get a cab home. so glad mt was there to help me all along, if not i would have just died. =/ thanks! sigh sigh now have to find a way to get to amk hub and arrange the stuff, most prob friday cuz i wont be going to sch (sports day hehe) anyone free to go with me? (: we can study after that.

anyhows, i've finally dropped ki! yay yay yay! okay not really. i kindda miss casey i dont know why. but no regrets, cuz there are quite a number of stuff i know i wont miss in the ki class here. gp is much more interesting, and it talks bout social stuff! (definitely handy if i wanna take socio in uni)

and not to mention, i'm a volunteer at the singapore arts festival! yay yay yay! haha cant wait to start duty, gonna be so super duper fun. :D

delia told me today that i should run for board of directors for eclub due to some reason, but i really really dont know. ahhh, as in i wont want the club to die in the hands of some people, yet, i dont know if i should run, and what makes me so sure that i'm up to the standard man. i dont wanna run and dont get in, and get disappointed all over again. sigh. everything's getting so political nowadays, that's why i just love to sit in front of my comp, and listen to the kiddy songs that play on this particular itunes playlist of mine. just hide away from everything, shit, i hate politics, esp the fight for leadership stuff kind, and to think, why did i even join young pap man! intro session this sat, hope it's fun fun fun (:

rccl was fun. didn't really talk to ppl, but i guess i simply love the kids. they are like SO CUTE. i wonder when will kidsread start. speaking of which, how would things ever turn out to be, if my friends get pregnant man. HAHA must be super funny. imagine eddy and yuexi and dee with a super bloated tummy. i promise i'll poke nonstop :D

2008-04-20T21:40:00.002+08:00

one of the reasons why i havent blogged for like 10 gazillion years is cuz i find the previous post very very applicable to life so far. haha.

anyhows, this blog is undergoing some revamp, i kindda dislike the skin now.

thanks to all my pals for all your encouragement, haha at least there's a reason for living.

i try to make it a point to keep in touch with my pals, meet up once a week or smth, but sometimes it's just so damn hard. after smth that happened like recently, i realised that if i didn't make the effort to contact people, no one would contact me! ): okay, this is just like some selfish thought. please ignore!

past 1 month in tj was wacky. was so emo everyday, cuz i just hated sch so much. ran for council, had to be in sch by like 6.45am, only left at 7.30. was hell. but i didnt get in due to some weird and dumb reason. (ask me if ya wanna know why, and maybe hear some rants) but who cares, im much happier now. i realise that most people, okay, some people, majority-ly, they just do things cuz it will look better on their portfolio blah blah. as in they dont do things cuz they love doing what they are doing, or that they believe in what they are doing, but rather, doing it cuz it will help in their uni admission and make things on their portfolio look nicer. pardon the straighforwardness, but i just cannot stand the superficiality. as in, why cant you do things you like?

sigh. when i was in crescent, everything was so simple, so innocent. all we had to worry about were just like "omg o levels coming" "i need consultation" "die, i dont have a life" "omg, want to book hotel room tgt for prom?" "let's stay back for night study" and minor bits of eyecandying here and there. looking back, everything just seems so minute and real. unlike life now, competition so stiff, all everyone wants is just to climb higher and higher and higher.

okay depressing stuff aside, i've joined kidsREAD! its this programme by the nlb where you read to the kids and all. so fun. and also young PAP. haha now you'd think that i'm some propaganda person, but oh wells, i hope it'd be fun, the intro session is this coming sat. i'm also trying to find out how to be a volunteer at the singapore arts festival this yr, lois is gonna be part of that, damn damn cool. not to mention, i've also signed up to be a volunteer guide at the parliment house, where you give NE tours to kids visiting that place. cool, i always wanted to be a guide of some sort, was thinking more of the zoo or smth, but nvm. anyhows, im really excited to start all the activities above, at least they take my mind off things. haha. just hope that i still can have time to meet my pals. i dunno if it's me or what, but the habit of going out and hanging around/bonding/studying has kicked in, and i never reach home before 7pm since... say my study buddy days at the crescent library? haha. always have this urge to go out after school. nowadays, everyone's getting so busy, only can manage to meet up with adelicia, yuexi, eddy, sylvia just to name a few.

i miss delight. and a05. and my cloney. and my study buddies (i hope we wont drift!). and elly welly. and my i&e comm. and you, you and you.

come to think of it, i think i have very little close, genuine friends. and that's bad.

ah, i miss crescent.

2008-01-20T12:22:00.001+08:00

why is everyone enjoying school except me? ):
sigh sigh. so many thoughts are flooding my head right now i dont know where to start. well, firstly, im rather troubled by some issue and it's so hard to talk to you about it. sigh, out of a sudden, there seem to be no one there to listen, just no one there anymore.
as tears roll down my cheeks while im typing this, well, maybe i just dont mean a thing. after all these while, yes, maybe i just dont mean a thing.
frm gen's blog: "life is a sad affair" - yes i agree. ):
frm eileen's blog: "Some days you get the bear, other days the bear gets you." - if im not wrong, the bear is chewing me up right now. in to many many non-existing little pieces.
frm facebook: "If I happened to show up on your door step crying, would you care? If I called you and asked you to pick me up because something happened, would you come? If I had one day left, to live my life; would you be part of that last day? If I needed a shoulder to cry on, would you give me yours?"

maybe a good cry would do good.

maybe we should talk.
but it's hard to start. very.

2008-01-17T22:26:00.001+08:00

went back to crecsent today. totally didnt want to leave. haha it was so nostalgic (sp?). haiya, i miss crescent so badly. had to go to a great extent just to get the stupid green slip. hahaha. faked a puking attack and bad stomach ache before i could get out of sch. sigh. really wanted to pon sch today one, if not for the council shoebox thing. ): anyhows, went with lois to borders, before meeting pokpok and eddy and mich and going to crescent together. gosh. i miss everyone so much! esp pokpok and eddy! ): so long never see them alrdy. haha. if you're reading this, please take care alrights! very worried for your. well, seems like jc isnt turning out very well for most of us. ):

well, it had been so long since i laughed so hard. but enterprise never fails to make me laugh like a mad person. sec1 interview today, the sec1s are like super funny when they promote stuff lah! esp this girl who totally promoted the umbrella as a spider, and this another one which said the umbrella can prevent against lion attack or smth like that. so funny!!! but the best part would obviously be catching up with all my darlings. hehe. it's been so long since we last stepped into the millenium clasrm. and i was so shocked to see cass and germaise and ms lin as well! hehe. had a great chat man. really really didnt feel like leaving. ):

met dee for dinner aft that. whoa, it'd been like how many eons since i last went out with her! hahahaa. went to budgeted food republic for dinner, but stayed there super long, cuz all we wanted was some place to sit and talk. hahahaha never expected the convo to kick off frm where we last left it, but it was great fun lah! i miss my dearies so much. ):

og outing on wed aft cross country. hahaha cross country was stupid. it was at east coast can, and when it started, everyone just walked only know! no one gave a damn bout running. so everyone just walk walk. so funny. so unlike crescent. og outing was at carl's jr. and after that met up with the class to go ice skating. gosh. first time ice skating, and i think i nearly died. quite fun lah, but so tiring!! ):

anyhows, thanks limin so much for the box of stuff! i'll upload the pics soon. hahaha. sigh. i miss crescent. and all my dear pals! stay strong alrights (: a few more weeks, and we can all get out of this horrid place. haha.

2008-01-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just feel so unappreciated.
sometimes i just feel so lost and alone.
sometimes i just feel like no one's listening.
sometimes i just feel that life is so pointless.

sometimes i just feel so invisible

"No matter what" - Boyzone

No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true

No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

No matter what they tell you
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach you
What you believe is true

And I will keep you safe and strong
And sheltered from the storm
No matter where it's barren
A dream is being born

No matter who they follow
No matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us
I'll be everyone you need

No matter if the sun don't shine
Or if the skies are blue
No matter what the end is
My life began with you

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know, I know
I know this love's forever
That's all that matters now

-i wish for such a person to do such a thing for me.

2008-01-10T22:21:00.000+08:00

no mood to blog about saturday now. maybe i'll do it another time. soon i promise. and about this week at sch or smth.

it hurts to see you hurt.
should i? should i not? should i? should i not? x1000
what's the point of existence?
pointless.

2008-01-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

hello everyone! the new year started off well, with a countdown session on msn with 5 very special people this year. stupid, my mum didnt want to bring me for the fireworks, and my dad make noise. so in the end, had to stay at home and rot online. but surprisingly, this huge convo which i totally didnt expect started, and the people i didnt expect to see online, came online! haha and the best part, my house can see the fireworks. (: so glad i rotted the midnight away at home, although i had to endure the hideous view of jade seah wearing so little clothes and showing off her fats and super fair skin on tv. haiz.

and school started the next day! haha. sajc og05! (: okay, i can say we weren't exactly the most enthu group around on day one, since we didnt really know each other yet, and i was rather sad that my jc life was so boring and the people were quite antisocial and all. basically day one was nothing much, just plentiful talks for like 3 and a half hrs, about subject combi and all, and lby talking about her switzerland trip blah blah blah. and after that was just some the hunt and mass dance and mass games. gosh. that day i totally felt like ponning day 2, cause it was so boring and all. and it didnt help that the people in my og were rather dead!

but day two was totally very different. okay not really. still the usual cheers, and dance, and talks introducing the mentors, council, registration of subject combi, and stage games and all. hahaha but what was different was the flood. sajc's orientation had a theme lah, called "lost". about these 3 tribes stranded on an island or smth. and everyday there will be a starting skit about the survivors, and an ending one that is forever to be continued. haha. so the 3 days were kind of like us being the survivors in the tribes, going to look for resources blah blah blah through the games. and on the 2nd day there was this principal meet christian thingy. i can say i was rather traumatised by what i saw but yeah i shall not mention anything here.

oohooh and did i add that on the first day, me and gen went to try out this ki test. haha for fun really. the question was really chim, about the arts, and how its supposed to make a person more cultured and more humane. but hitler's ss officers were all actually very well steeped in the arts, but yet they killed so many people and all, so therefore arts doesnt make a person more humane. and the question was omg killer. it was like "do you agree with this assesment of the function of the arts?" seriously i was like HUH. and in the end, just anyhow whack and simplify it to "do you agree". hahaha. and i got in! crap.

friday was the cool day. stage games were really really very fun. as in just sitting down there and cheering the representatives from the tribes on and laughing at all the stupid things they do on stage, very fun already. tiffany was awarded the "longest breath" award in the "saintlympics" haha and my whole og was practually teasing her about it. guess what. other jcs go on amazing race round singapore, sa goes to potong pasir area to collect old newspp and clothing. wth. and my group cleared 4 blocks in 10min, that we just decided to go kfc and eat and rot and bond a bit. okay lah, we got more bonded and all. and i totally skipped the finale with natalie to go back for crescent campfire!

despite being so freakin late with pokpok for the campfire, and for me chipping my nails so many times, and our food being cold when we were eating it, and my voice about to die, i totally do not regret missing sa finale for crescent at all! gosh. i love cresescent SO MUCH. it just feels so at home, though i wasnt a sec1 participating in it. and had a very very fun bit of screaming non stop and jumping up and down with eddy and yuexi, and acting like such kukus, cheering when the rest hasve already stopped, only to receive stares. hahaha. catched up with so many people, and found out that their orientation was so much more fun than sa. sigh, i think sa orientation a bit too protected alrdy. and my og is such a ponner og. like only 6 out of 17 people went for the finale, and even the maths lesson on monday, only like 7 people attended. hahaha. they love to go home at any chance they have.

today supposed to be splitted up into civics classes, but i guess for arts fac, since we are all frm the siersha tribe and romanis house and all, we all just continued sticking to out ogs. lectures are the most boring things on earth. i cant believe we actually start having proper lectures on the 4th day of sch, like wth. and tmr i'll be receiving my proper timetable, which is of effect from tmr. sigh sigh. pe lessons, chinese lessons and all. irritating man. :( and to think i thought 1st three months were play. sigh, im kindda depressed now. cuz it's like i really dont know anyone from my civics class, apart from priscilla which i met from ki just now and i only know that she's frm st nicks. and my og seems bonded, yet not bonded. haiz. seriously starting to think that school is pointless. as in what's the point of locking us up in the cc and listening to the introduction of the subject man! ): btw, my ki teacher is rather gay but im really enjoying the subject, except that it's very challenging. and i got my first assignment of like "is there any good reason why anyone should believe in horoscopes" wth. sch is such a waste of time. hahaha. and when i was back in crescent, everyday was so interesting. it was like after sch was i&e and all. and during the olvl time, it was study buddy study sessions, either that or consultations blah blah. but now, it's like there's nothing to do after school! hahaha.

super sian after sch today man. me and lucy went to meet the games gang for our long awaited games gang outing. woots! i love the games gang. they are all so chao tar please. but still, we still had a fair bit of craziness and all. (: it so feels like the good old days. when shuyi sends me the pics, i'll upload them up. haha. so sad yasmin couldnt make it. ): but if she could, we will be able to have sa vs ac challenge alrdy. lois me and yasmin from sa, adelicia shuyi michy from ac. haha. anw, im so programme-less these days. dunno what im wasting my time doing man.

well, for the more interesting part of my life, saturday and sunday had been a blast. esp saturday. okay i'll update more tmr. (:

2008-01-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

im damn scared for jc tmr. help! :(
what if got no friends? what if i get lost? what if what if. so many what ifs. sigh sigh sigh. think crescent is gonna be very different from now on. new principal and all. so many good teachers leaving, i hope crescent wont die.

anw, on a lighter note, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! (: 2008 is here. 2007's gone. but im glad it'd been a blast. (: from the start of the year with the cool cool campfire and dedication ceremony, the last cca open house as a crescentian, the failed opening of chill for i&e and all. january just flew past so quickly.

february came next with not many surprises awaiting me. the usual tests, remedial, and some stupid physics mastery. gosh. i knew that things we going to be quite stressed. and then came valentines day, the donut saga where some of us went to queue for like 5h, enterprise outing at swensens, 4g2 really bonding through the bday celebrations, yusheng tossing during cny celebration, the o'village treat for dv campus success and all, february wasn't that bad either.

and there came march. all the common tests which i failed all the maths and sciences, enterprise trainings with mr christian chua, cable car presentations, council invest and official stepdown in council, i&e much delayed stepdown and the start of night study sessions. sigh.

april was quite a blast too. kicking it off was free cone day at ben and jerry's, followed my the whole holy week masses and much time spent with the rciy pals, consultations after consultations, and phantom of the opera showing in singapore! all seemed so yesterday huh.

may was the very very hectic month, with the mid years pilling things up my neck. haha i realised how shitty my grades were. enterprise outing at riverside restaurant. the study buddy gang was formed. chinese intensive practically took up the whole of may, but i throughly enjoyed it. i'll give up anything for chinese intensive again. (: and then came the official chinese o'levels.

june. holidays weren't really holidays this time round. we were told to make use of the time we have to catch up on whatever we didnt know, but apparently, im quite bad at following instructions. :P ahyi flew back from china, 4g2 had a bbq at ms goh's condo, many many holiday lessons which took up like 2 week of the hols, many stayovers at my grandma's house, first baking session at yuexi's house and the im gifted workshop. sigh, those were the days.

july. time for chinese o's oral and listening. mock tests finally started, they were much worse than expected. but im so glad i survived through them all. i&e competitions like cando and nec wasnt really our business now, but we still went to support, help them through it all. glad it was such a once-in-a-lifetime experience. (: harry potter's last book came out. the whole madness to read finish the book in 1 day started all over again. speech day rehersals, speech day. haha i was reminising so much about speech day '06 then. the duties as a councillor were really really fun. but now, it's just receiving the colours award on stage. not much kick, but still v enjoyable.

august, very very much hectic. filled with consultations after consultations, so glad every one of them helped in some way or another. thank you all teachers who dedicated so much time and effort to help this poor gal here. national day celebration was the bomb. 4g2 fored this ring, and we practically went mad. english summary started. we had english o'lvl oral and then, there came PRELIMS.

september and october was very much the same. apart from the mass dance that the class had to put up together, it was just go sch, stay back consultation, study with study buddy, go home, mug somemore. haha and yes, go out to destress every friday, ponning night studies very very much. then there was champion seminar, and this class duty thing which was just implemented. haha quite stupid. but fun in a way. and then, OLEVELS arrived. the rushing of autograph bks to be written was not to be missed as well.

november and december, much covered in the previous posts. haha lazy.

and besides, i have to wake up at 6am tmr! when was the last time i woke up at 6am man! :(
very thankful for 07. hope 08 is wonderful too! and in case ur wondering how i can remember all these, it's all thanks to the sesame street organiser, which was my pal throughout the whole of this year. say bye to sesame street, and hello to looney tunes 08. :D

2007-12-26T22:43:00.001+08:00

preety little photos as promised! (:

tanning before zoo with my dearest pokpok! (:

my most favourite page in the surprise that yuexi made for me! gosh. i love her to bits. did you know that?

another of my favourite page in the scrapbook. this is our wonderful memories of i&e. hahahaha 3 people trying to run a race became 7!

another of my oh-so-loved page in the book! actually i do love everything in it. but this page is so special! haha. all my nonsense characteristics and all. and the song lyrics so TOUCHING. wah the tears flow and flow after reading it man. esp since i love this song so much as well!

thanks so much pokpok for the booook!! (:

the front of the book! hehe see the tiny camera there? she spent eons trying to perfect it. i love you pokpok! (:

the front of the cool book! i'll treasure it for life man seriously. haha but everytime i see it i get so emo! so it didnt really cheer me up in the end!

the cool disney cafe at anchorpoint. they even have disney chairs!

cool mickey shaped pizza from the cool cafe

xmas gifts from rciy pals!

i'll really miss the view from redhill mrt man. seeing these condos = seeing crescent, knowing that it's near

the mines in my messed-up room during the packing process! my mum was so mad at me. hehehe. no wonder i was banned from going out if i couldnt pack finish

my new and improved letter box!

the other of the secret present that pokpok made! haha all so preety right? i suddenly feel like a failure at art

one of the orang utans at the zoo was named after yuqi! hohoho.

wet wet genting. sigh! why must it rain!! ):

yiwei! i love my best butt plentiful loads. (:

ant bee! the pinata created by me, yuqi, and yes yuexi and carrina!

isnt he adorable?

study buddies all glamed up for musical evening!

michelle the model at red camp!

2007-12-26T11:26:00.001+08:00

EDITED

argh. im so annoyed with blogger. cuz this is the 3rd post i have, and none of them get posted up! ): grrrr. sorry pals! i really did blog! hopefully this really gets posted. if not what im going to type below is all gonna be wasted. ):

anyhows, to start from where we last ended, my holidays are rather fulfilling! sadly it's coming to an end though. ): i cant believe school is starting so soon!! my hols havent really begun know! ):

yes yes, from 2nd jan nxt yr, i'll be going to sajc. along with like 1001 crescentians. gosh. there are like so many people going there this year. i wonder if it's because leebeeyann is there. i'll really really miss all my pals man. how come all my close friends arent gonna be in sa, and those that im not close to are in! (okay except for guigui, but we're in diff groups!) sigh. i guess that's just part of life huh, learning how to adapt to changes and all. im so scared of jc life! imagine 10 years in a girls' school. and now. yes there's gonna be guys. haha. hope the people from other schools are nice, if not it's gonna be quite terrible. cuz i wont really know anyone! except for guigui, but we're like in different group! ): im in og05. apparently, there arent any crescentians in that group! sobs.

haha i last mentioned bout enterprise camp in my previous post. that seems like eons ago seriously. enterprise camp was rocking good! (: at least we managed to know our juniors more. and it's kindda comforting that my last camp as an i&e clubber was so much fun. hahaha being seniors as usual, we always bully our juniors. just like how we all get to play on my favourite SWING in the staffroom and the juniors have to end up on the chairs, or even the mini forum outside! haha. and how we all gotta use the HEATED toilets, while the juniors get to bathe without heater! hehehe. we sure did have loads of fun! i&e will officially have it's 5th anniversary nxt yr, and i do hope that i get invited back for camp! (: -winkwink. i promise i wont break anything!! hahaha. the first yr i went to camp, a bed was broken. 2nd yr was michelle's lips. and 3rd yr was mrkeong's pointer. hehe. and and and. very amusing to see me dance izit! 1st year, the wacky ppl in i&e taught me how to jiggle my boobies (which i still cant do till today). 2nd yr was to pole dance! and this yr, some m-shaped thingy and shaking my butt. i CAN shake my butt! :D haha great acomplishment huh.

to fast things forward, im so glad i managed to spend much time with my darlings this hols. when sch starts, it'll be so hard for us to meet up again! since everyone will be in diff schs, with many diff programmes and activities to attend, i guess we only can meet up in the hols. ): this hols, i managed to visit yx at work (yes yes, she who always say i spend water like money, when its supposed to be the other way round, and i do NOT spend money like water!!), watch yinwai fly kite, attend red camp with mich and lois and adel (kindda terrible but i guess it was an experience huh), go with cs to sentosa and scream our lungs out, shop and watch movies with my study buddies!, go cycling with superstar family (well, actually just yinwai and fiona, i'll miss them terribly man! we dont really meet up except to cycle but yea, really appreciate the times we spent together), attend cloney's comfirmation where she looked so funny in this white dress (hope u liked the sunflower!), spend numerous days with yuqi over at her house trying to make antbee (more on that later), enjoy great music frm the cgssb with my study buddies (more on that later too), go out with yiwei!! (oh how i miss her so much), travel to bangkok to shop shop shop :D, to genting for some fun :D, go to the ZOO and NIGHTSAFARI (i love that so much! more on that later too too), shop with adelicia who is such a great shopping pal! (love gg out with her :D), shop at queensway and eat at this really really cool disney restaurant at anchorpoint with pokpok and eddy (love gg out with them too!), meet up with rciy after soooooo long, and im glad i can spend more time with my family (with more trips to ahma's house for dinner, trips to jb to eat my lovely yutiao, and more shopping with my mummy!)

haha this is what you get for not blogging for so long. sorry pals! havent been able to get online since i dunno when. haha. for smth more recent, i just got my 2nd piercing!! (: (: (: but it's swelling like mad, so i think im having an infection. ): it's apparently from this shop at marina sq, that has this brouchur that says it's the world's safest piercing. hahaha. adelicia went to pierce as well. so funny because the shop owener said a pair for 20bucks, but one ear alone would be 12bucks. and my mum didnt allow me to pierce alone. so. we happily paid 20bucks, she pierced on the spot, while i kept the other ear's one for the next day, where i happily dragged my mum along! haha genius eh. (:

well, i love going out with my study buddies. met mr lee for lunch that day together with them, before gg for musical evening at victoria concert hall! love the band much too! hahaha quite fun la i must say, we were all glamed up and it's not everyday that u see ur friends so glam right? it was great catching up and all. i do hope that we can keep in touch until we get married or smth. that'll be real cool! we'll all be the wonderful ladies and mothers of tmr, im sure. cant wait for our xmas gathering this friday! (:

did i also mention that i love my enterprise buddies? hehehe. our i&e sec4 bbq was a success! thanks to everyone who came. ant bee was the pinata that me and yuqi and YUEXI and carrina made together. he looked so lovely! (: spent like 2 days at yuqi's house trying to rush out the pinata and stuff the sweets in. very very cool thing to do. the food and madness that night was awesome. passing the parcel was so funny. jiamin so poor thing man, we all had to draw on her face for her forfeit! how i wish we could have more of such gatherings in the future. and jim was being an ass. haha. when ppl wanted to hit the pinata, he happily shifted it away!! grr ): but it added to the fun, so okay lah.

outing with yiwei was so fun too! imagine us being friends for 10 years. gosh. all our diff personalities and all, im suprised that we still can keep in touch! haha. best friends dont come by easily, hehe someone said that huh! had a loooooong chat at spagaddies, with our convo ranging from guys, to fashion, to yes, bitching, even after so long we still can rmb all the little things we did in pri sch!, to holidays, friends and all. no worries my dear, i'll listen to you and lend u a shoulder if ya need me! dont be so sad over the ___ thing k! i'm sure things will turn out fine! u still have me rmb! :D i hope our friendship will last forever.

bangkok was fun. genting was not that fun. shopping at bkk is really mad! hehehe. and we got cheated by this cab driver. tsk. i nearly got killed by this tuktuk. and i LOVE the apartment we were in man. gosh! it was HUGE. and clean. and so near all the shopping areas! AHHH! (: and the security there is good too! breakfast was good! everything was great! even the swimming pool. haha.

one of the highlights this hols would be the outing to the zoo and night safari with pokpok, * and **. hahaha names cannot be mentioned due to some reasons (haha i just had to follow the way u posted pok, cuz it was so funny!). like damn early in the morning, i had to meet pokpok at the mrt, cuz lazy bum wanted to get a free ride frm her dad on his way to work. we were lugging so many things la!! including this toaster. gosh. so many people were staring at us, and i had to stare at them back. hehe. so had to run some errands, get newspaper, buy porriage for * and ** and we got cheated of our 2bucks by the stall aunty! ): finding the place was another problem too! everything was like so heavy, and it was quite a long walk in. hahaha. and this weird china guy started talking to us in the lift. asking us when did we shift in and all. upon arrival, pokpok gave me this damn touching book! wah, the tears started flowing like nobody's business. it was so embarassing cuz * and ** were there too! and everyone was staring at me! but i didnt care! thanks so much pokpok (: omg and to think i was complaining that no one gives me scrapbook. this is like one of the few rare handmade pressies i ever got! hahaha im so glad to have a friend like pokpok know. to hear my ramblings and all. so touching la that book! ): i hope our friendship will last forever! hehe. really cant bear to lose any of my friends. sigh. anw, ** also received a copy, but then she didnt open it until we were gone. sigh! all of us wanted to see her reaction can! so after that, we went tanning downstairs, and by the time we got ready and all, stupid sun had to hide in the clouds. but nvm, we spent the day camwhoring and all. very very interesting. (: wanted to go to the jacuzzi next, but then, it was time to go up and heed off to the zoo! * and ** were like so mean because i wanted to remove my hideous hot pink nails and they dumped me in the kitchen to do it. ): cuz me being so accident prone and all, would spill everything on the floor. hahaha. and damage their new home. and i never knew thir home was so near the zoo! it started raining by the time we reached the pygmy hippo area, and we were stuck there for quite some time, but at least there was shelter! * and ** acting like kids all over again never fail to amaze me. hehe. the giraffes didnt want to come to our side for a photo shot, so * had to stand there and act like a tree, swaying and all. retarded! but very very funny. and our whole trip to the zoo was so educational, cuz at least now i know how to animals pee/poo. the elephant's pee was like SO MUCH. and haha. at every encounter, at least someone would go "eh, look that animal is peeing/pooing" and we would all turn and go "where!". educational huh (:

after a trip to the zoo, we went over to the night safari. the food there was like SUPER ex. cuz sugarcane juice was like $8! and laksa was like $13! it was SO MAD. we ended up eating ben and jerry's instead. before going off for supper later on. tram rides were cool too. we hogged the last row of the tram, so that we could have a second chance to look at the animals, after it passes by us. hehe. and the animal show was good man. (: the response was so good too, that we missed the 9.30 show because it was too crowded. and had to watch the 10.30 one instead. haha. being kiasu singaporeans who didnt want to miss the show again (cuz the 10.30 show was the last of the day), we reached at 10pm just to be in the first in the queue! it was so shocking as well, cuz the owl flew right above our heads, and the racoon was cimbing on the rope right above us!!

after that, went to supper with one of their friends at bukit timah, and he drove us around to the many haunted spots in singapore. very very scary. imagine at 2am, standing outside the haunted house. just like what ** said, i could really feel this cold air that brushed past when we were at this war memorial power station. gosh. and imagine a totally unlit road. the friend, eric, had to stop the car in the center of the road and off all the lights. brr. luckily the radio was on. if not i'd have died. slept around 5am that day, after talking about childhood stories and all. hehe. really really enjoyed the whole stay there at the house. esp oogling at the absolut collection, and dancing round the "coconut tree" with *! now im all excited and geered up for the big day on 5th jan! haha

waiteng's party this sat. i dunno what to wear! help! ):

and there's a whole list of things i intend to do this hols, so glad that i managed to finish quite a few.
1. wardrobe overhaul
2. go eat at carousel
3. picnic with pokpok
4. xmas gift exchange with study buddies
5. visit island cremery
6. eat at cold rock (done!)
7. visit * and ** (done!)
8. i&e gathering (done!)
9. games gang outing
10. study buddy shopping trip (done!)
11. sentosa with cs/gamesgang/pokpok/ study buddy (done!)
12. pack room (done! :D :D :D)
13. finish reading a book (done!)
14. give max brenner's treat to mich, mt and pok (mt and pok done, mich not done)
15. outing with class ppl (done! :D)
16. but xmas cards (done!)
17. send xmas cards
18. mrt gang dinner
19. try out water skiing
20. blog (done!)
21. go for mani and pedi (done!)
22. watch national treasure, alvin and the chipmunks, wonder emporium, nanking
23. paste glow in the dark stars on ceiling
24. get preety little mistakes from harris
25. get orangey brown nike sch bag (done!)

photos will be posted tonight!

2007-11-26T09:06:00.000+08:00

Presenting... the longest awaited blog post of the centuary! (eh. actually no one really reads such a dead blog, thus it's not long awaited. but nevermind!)

PRESENTING... the long awaited blog post....!

haha. O LVELS ARE OVER!!!!!

actually, that's a bit slow, but nevermind! i'm glad it's over. haha. the papers this year were harder than last year man. and im soooo glad i dropped to combined from pure. cuz combine paper actually came out pure questions! and im so angry with lit. cuz, they asked about mother daughter relationship, which is practiacally the WHOLE BOOK! gosh. hahaha and i can say i was quite lucky to have spotted for ss and history. (phew) but im so scared for my emaths, cuz i lost so many marks alrdy! gosh. if i dont get my a1, i wont be able to hear mrs heng sing her hua chu song! D: and amaths was like.. haha no comments. cuz it was the first paper, i cant really remember anything much about it. but i just hope i can get my a1, so i wont let mr lee and ms lin down. yups, after like what, after 100h of consultation and i dont get a1, i'll just be slaughtered man.

but come to think of it, i kindda miss studying. D: i cant believe that after my lit paper, i went hope and started reading joy luck all over again! and guess what, it's so parallel-ish to a singaporean kid's life. and why didnt i notice that before huh! well, studying with my dear study buddies had been a great experience. we weren't exactly the most productive kids ever, but we TRIED to be nerds. and as you can see, we've failed quite terribly.

trying to be egyptians

our many many hands and heads

look! we do study okay

fooling around in the parade sq

unwinding at max brenner's for a chocolate treat

gosh. i miss my study buddies SO MUCH. D: but nvm, im seeing them tmr to go for musical evening together. HAHAHA.

so well, i ended my o'levels 6 days earlier than the rest of the class, cuz i dont have to mug for pure phy and chem mcq! and to think i was hoping to get my prom dress earlier, i cant believe i only got it at the last minute! at ang mo kio hub summore!!!! gosh. i hate this. haha. went out with so many people to try to find a nice dress but still cannot find! thanks cloney and pokpok for hearing me whine nonstop thruout this period of time! come to think of it, i havent been out with pokpok since i dunno when! D: gosh. i miss going out with her.

and it was during this whole prom period, that i learnt how to wear contacts for the very first time in my life! i spent like half an hour at the shop learning how to wear can, thanks to my small eyes. gosh. and it still feels so weird wearing it. my sis say i look damn fierce without spects, and yym said i look better! haha but comfort wise, spects beats contacts hands down man. i cant stand having a piece of rubber thingy that is actually glass stuck in my eye, with the risk of it breaking anytime!

doing manicure and pedicure before prom with lucy and adelicia and shuyi was v fun too! haha. i cant believe i met ashley consecutively twice in two days at different places! talking about "yuan fen". haha. actually, prom was all about taking photos and photos and looking at how all the usually very unglam people of crescent dress up and look SO PREETY overnight! prom photos will be up very very soon, cuz now i'll have to rush to yuqi's house to make a p_____ for i&e bbq!

after prom was damn fun too. stayed over at orchard parade hotel with my study buddies. and our room was upgraded for free!! cool not. haha. we went to swensen's to eat right after prom, with mr leee. and after which went back to remove our killer heels before heading down to cine to catch a movie - gameplan. totally met pokpok and gang there. haha. they were in our room before prom to do makeup too! thanks pokpok for sharing your mum's cousin to help us do makeup! but instead of having 2 people, only had one person who came. and everyone was so panicky and all. in the end the 3 of them came to prom late! but nvm, at least they didnt miss much. only the first dish, and all the boring speeches. haha. come to think of it, it's the before and after of prom that's really really fun. the panic to look for a dress, making the makeup and all, wow. once in a lifetime kindda thing man.

anw, the day after prom, we had to go to sch for some shit pae briefing at like 9am. gosh. we totally overslept and woke up only at like 8am. and some havent even bathe yet! anw, i didnt have much option to choose from for pae, cuz of my shitty prelim grades, but now i just hope i can get into tj. please please!! and and and. right after the briefing was enterprise camp! gosh, 3 days without sleep. total madness total fun. but i was soooo tired after that i nearly died. will elaborate more bout camp when i get back, cuz i really have to go now.

if not yuqi will kill me. haha. please remind me to upload the pics!

2007-09-30T22:51:00.000+08:00

forgot to mention, champion seminar on friday was quite fun. haha. food was good! (: sat with exco though. D: but glad pokpok and yq were with me! HAHA.

i'll miss my cloney. i wonder how she'll survive taking train everyday to school alone.
i'll miss my pokpok. i wonder if we'll ever keep in touch. (i dont care i insist we will)
i'll miss my study buddies. i wonder how much more fun days we have left before we stop studying together.
i'll miss my games gang. i wonder how many more times we'll go out and play together.
i'll truly truly miss i&e. although i've been missing it so much since march. i wonder if camp this year is really gonna be fun.
i'll miss the people in crescent. they've all been a wonderful bunch.
i'll miss the teachers in crescent. they've all been so motivating.
i'll miss wandering round the crescent campus at 6pm in the evening.

as you can see, my emo-ness is seeping in.
5 more days to cherish! i swear i'll flood the hall on friday. D:

2007-09-30T22:00:00.000+08:00

it's been so long since i last blogged! gosh gosh gosh.
so many things happened, well as usual.
got back prelim results, although i must say it's still quite shitty, but im very grateful that it had dropped drastically! but im still very upset bout my amaths, haha. failed it again. although i've done so many practices and completed almost the whole just du it, except the rv part. crap crap. maybe i just dont have the maths genes in me huh! if not why i do so much and still like that! D: anw, i guess i cant get into vj anymore with such crap grades. so it's now tj or somewhere else. which i really dont know where. so hard to decide. D:

and i cried in front of __ that day, when the results came back. so embarassing can. :S hmm, but what she said made sense and yeah, maybe i shouldnt really think about it so much now, must find out where the mistakes are. haha.

teacher's day was quite fun. the mad rush preparing the gifts was so worth it! went with joyce tan to get donuts, which made many many people happy. (: told ya donuts are the latest therepy foood. and after that met yx to get the rest of the stuff! m&ms as usual, + yellow balloons were the special this year. i really really love the bento set yx made!! sadly i didnt get to eat any. haha. on teacher's day celebration day, went out with cs for lunch, after that max brenners with dee and melly. havent been out with them for a long long time! and im quite glad that we're still on such great talking terms. can talk non stop one. even though different class, and meet like once in a while in the corridor? and only wave to say hi. hahaha. esp melly! gosh.

so i've been watching quite a bit of movies in the weekends as well. basically it's swimming/movies to destress. well, according to my no-study-on-saturday policy, but i guess that's impossible now, cuz we have extra lessons from 8-1 every saturday until the o's. ):

thanks pokpok for celebrating my bday with me and the nydc treat! HAHA. fun fun fun! (: im 16, legal for nc16 shows and sex. haha not interested anw. watched my 1st nc16 show that day with dee. i know who killed me. by lindsay lohan. gosh, it's so diffrerent from the normal pg shows that we watched! i got the shock of my life. haha. thriller movie, and i was grabbing dee all the way. sorry pal! but after that we just went mad and walked around, making so much noise can! in the center of orchard road. tsktsk.

basically, i spent my 1 week holiday erm, studying unproductively. haha since the week after that was prelims still. gosh, prelims are the longest thing ever on earth man! 3 weeks is a killer. i wonder how im gonna survive the 4 week of o's. D:

post-prelims arent exactly the coolest things on earth. with all the sex talks and jc talks. haha. lady in me day was fun! (: although the deciding what to wear part was rather tough. the day before went out with my study buddy gang! had ding tai fung and ben and jerry's. took a lot of kuku pictures. haha. i must say that my study buddy gang has played a very big part in my life this year. i have no clue how we became so close! but i guess we just did. haha. i love them all to bits. thanks for being part of my life! well, at least i know that i can count on them for anything. and rmb our meet at least once a year pact! really really really wont wanna lose touch with them. i think i'll just die if that happens. thanks gen, pt, eileen, yuyumon. (: i love you guys THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS much. actually, it's more than that, but im just scared that the computer will hang on me if i type anymore. HAHA.

come to think of it, i'll really really miss crescent a lot a lot after i leave. well, this friday's farewell assembly. hopefully by then i can get a piece of everyone in my autograph book that's passing around! haha. tour round the sch this fri with study buddy gang. every single corner holds a very fond memory. well, i'll dedicate a very emo post to crescent later this week. (: really really cant bear to leave. D:

so now it's the intensive lessons week. i wont really miss the sch system and all the discipline issues lah, although we got the excellence award thing. haha it's not really the student's effort man. see all the _______ like that. seriously, i think the teachers have played a very very great role and yeah, they're the best any kid can ask for.

as for my latest obsession this week, it's xinyao songs. thanks mt for lending me the disc! haha. im totally in love with it. i guess it's the lack of bao zhang bao dao that's causing this, but yeah, it's so cheeeeena that i no longer miss chinese lessons anymore! although i really missed chinese damn badly after chi o's. haha. i bet mdm lim's v proud of me. hurhur.

anw, all my photos are up on photobucket. lazy to post on blogger cuz it keeps screwing up. well, basically everything in my crescent life. so those who want the link, can ask from me la. and after i leave crescent, i guess i wont be blogging anymore, no one really reads my blog anw. hehe.

toooodles! and jiayou to all who get to see this! sec1-3s for finals, sec4s for o's.

and as we go on, we remember, all the times we, had together. and as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be, friends forever.
im getting paranoid (like gen! haha) but will we ever be friends forever?

2007-08-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

i was a total emo wreck ytd.
the no-school-study-day ytd and the day before were kindda productive. at least i managed to have ss, emaths, amaths and chem consultations. and cleared so many stuff. sadly, it's still not enough. D:

ljw was damn pissed at me cuz he thinks that my sci(chem) questions were too easy and it totally irritated him. but it's not my fault tt i dunno, tts why i had to look for him for consultation right. tsk.

anw, i cant believe i broke down ytd. in front of ms tan summore. so embarassing. but im very very glad that i was able to calm down and all. thank you so much for listening and for knowing how to handle such a wreck. haha. i really really didnt expect myself to breakdown and all. it was damn terrible. ask all the juniors who were there ytd, and they can truly say how scary it is. cuz imagine this mad woman here, so bubbly and constantly high, starting to cry like damn terribly. i bet everyone was shocked and scared. cuz after the whole saga i received so many smses asking how was i feeling. sigh.

it went like this. studying alone in the study corner of the library was productive. very productive indeed. i understood amaths rate of change and approx change and circular measure! thanks to mr lee who so patiently explained to me like 5 times each, and i like half understand, half dont understand, but it's okay! he's the most dedicated teacher i've ever met. imagine meeting me for consultation from 8-10+, den rushing off to teach sec3s, den rushing back to the libray at 11+ again to teach sec4s, skipping lunch and all, and only surviving on apple and carrot juice. and all this lasts till 6pm. i cant imagine facing maths from 8am to 6pm. i can just die. :X
but anyhows, was tackling maths half way and my classmates came into the library. it didnt help that i was trying very very hard to understand maths since it's so freakin hard for me, and my basics sucks, and then some of them come and start to talk in chimo language about the english paper, which is today. gosh, they seem to know so many things and i was like quite huh. i always thought english dont needa study, but seeing the way they mug, make me go so bonkus. and i was still told points for argumentative blah blah and i was again very huh, cuz i cant believe that they actually studied for argumentative as well, which they didnt even intend to do today. and yah, some other stuff which made me super upset. it totally made me realise how selfish some of my classmates were. sigh sigh. never thought things were this bad. but anyway, im glad mr lee was around, at least he kept telling me not to worry, so it calmed me down a bit. and from then, i totally didnt have the mood to study alrdy. when the library was about to close, i went into millenium and there i saw my love of my life - enterprise! the whole atmosphere was so different! so stressing outside, and den inside it was whoa! the "let's get high" atmosphere. it's ENTERPRISE afterall! <3 well, maybe only i feel this way, i really dunno.

there and then, i called pokpok, and well, i started crying on the phone. uh-uh. the start of the mental breakdown. oh crap. i was super worried for english cuz i was not prepared, and it was there and then that i guess everything came tumbling after all the accumulation throughout the past few months. i realised how shittified my maths was, and that i had no time, and i was not ready for prelims at all. worse part, everyone around me seems like they are totally prepared, oh well, at least they act that they are, even if they arent. and the class isssues and all, sucks sucks sucks. so amanda came to comfort me when i was such a emo kid, sitting down on the floor in the corner, talking on the phone, with tears rolling down my cheeks. crap. and i guess everyone else left in the room after the meeting realised that i was not my usual self, cuz i would usually make a lot of noise and scream and shout and jump around and join in their discussions and all, but instead i was like pouting in the corner, and my face was wet. haha. and according to jesselyn, mt told all of them to leave quietly and she totally came to me and ask what happen and all. oh crap crap. haha i was like totally crying non stop. not the tears roll down cheek type. but at least after the talk i was more assured and all, and i guess i wont have to see what others do and do the same. as long as im well prepared den it should be okay. well, if mt can only study for her sciences 1 day before her o's cuz she forgot there was sci paper and still get 10 points, then i guess it shouldnt be that bad a prob. i was told that i was over reacting and giving myself extra stress. worse part, i cant believe i told her everything. like EVERYTHING. from my sucky grades, to not understanding beng beng, to ljw, el being pissed and all, crap lah. but at least i calmed down quite a bit. thank you mt for really really being there for me. it's so rare to find such a nice, caring teacher around. but i guess crescent isnt short of any! the hug and the haagen dasz ice cream after the cry was totally uncalled for. but i enjoyed it anyway! (: details of the details of the whole incident shant be mentioned above, can ask me if ya want. but im v grateful for having someone who cares! okay, now i sound like a total emo kid. im not! mt would definitely be someone i would keep in touch with after i graduate. too many memories to be forgotten. too much fun times had. thank you so much. and thanks to everyone who cared. (: for all the smses. greatly appreciated. (: i'll try not to be a nervous wreck from now on. seriously, i've never brokedown bcuz of studies before. this is first time? but it's a great experience. definitely worth trying more. :D

to my dearest pokpok:
now i know what it's like to cry over studies. seriously it's quite fun leh. no wonder you cry so often. haha. but anw, no matter what i'll be here for you! and just as you said, when the going gets tough, we're all in this together! but actually right, it's when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping. HAHA. peninsula together shall we? (: if need help can always come and look for me. my phone's on 24/7. jiayou alrights pokpok, you can do it! we shall survive together. at the most just cry lah, it's the easiest thing to do, get free ice cream summore. (: well, glad to sponsor you anytime. i'll provide you with tissue to wipe your tears of joy! and u can cry on my shoulder when u wanna cry. haha. i love you pokpok! and ur definitely someone i'd wanna keep in touch with even after i leave crescent! too much fun times irritating you to be forgotten. :D

-i wish i can have the vermonster for my b'day. winkwink!

2 songs today! they are what form up the bulk of my thoughts today. come to think of it, english was terrible. after the whole saga ytd, i really cant believe that the topic i chose for compo today was "youths today are subjected to more pressures than before". paper 2 was screwed as well, because i didnt really understand the passage, and i think i was kindda drowsy, cuz after finishing my summary, i went back to check, only to realise i was writing rubbish. D: there goes my l1r5.

Cry On My Shoulder (im glad to have a shoulder to cry on ytd)

If the hero never comes to you
If you need someone you're feeling blue
If you're away from love and you're alone
If you call your friends and nobody's home

You can run away but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I show you there's a destiny
The best things in life
They're free

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away
Oh just call me and I make your day
When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay here by your side
I promise you I'll never hide

Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne (jeanne cried when i played her this song! HAHA)

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know
I'll take your hand

When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you,
I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through

So far awayI wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend

Yeah, yeah

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Keep holding on
Keep holding on
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

i better go clear my thoughts and all, and get ready to tackle the other papers. well, althought im not prepared and im freakin worried. D: father's method worked today! thank you so much. it's nice to walk down buangkok slope alone. today was magnificent. cuz to my right was sunset, in the center i could see stars, and to the left it was the moon. i love nature!

2007-08-13T21:34:00.000+08:00

A1 for chinese o's!!!
and distinction for oral (:

now it's time to hit the books again. D:

2007-08-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

gosh. that stupid spot of blood on my face doesnt wanna stop bleeding. it's been bleeding since 10.10 and now it's 11! tried all sorta ways including applying saliva, using tissue paper to stop, apply pimple cream, put baby powder, and still it doesnt wanna stop! this thing sucks.

anw, im proud to announce that i totally wasted my nat day hols. sigh. supposed to study but i guess the playful side of me took control huh. went to sleepover at my grandma's house on fri. had so much fun baking this cake which totally tasted like the brownie at ben and jerry's! and made wonton. and played carrem. and wanted to go midnight bowling but my sis was too tired, so ended up playing cards in the room instead. hehe. and sat went to watch rush hour before going to the other grandma's house and rotted more. gosh.

so i guess the only day i studied was nat day? which i totally spent writing chem notes, which maybe wouldnt even help at all. D: anw, my thoughts of being singaporean? well, i always wanted to live in australia, or somewhere more relaxing. and i guess the s'pore education system is just far too competitive huh. and maybe it's because of this that the economy is growing blah blah, but know what? the next great depression is coming. haha. so all of you who have stocks now, hurry up sell! and buy it all up again then, and you'll earn big bucks. trust me. well, maybe it wont hit this year, but next yr and the year after, well definitely. and s'pore might just drown in the years to come, considering global warming, rising sea levels and all, so if you want, hurry up migrate to higher grounds! cuz the stability wont last forever. (:

but all in all, i just love singing national day songs. singaporeans just love to complain about everything on earth, but when it comes to loving their country, they all fight to be first. the spirit of kiasuiam. haha. im proud to say im not one of them. well, not first, maybe 7654656 perhaps.

2007-08-08T23:13:00.001+08:00

You Are 13 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What'>http://blogthings.com/whatagequiz/">What Age Do You Act?

haha seems like i still act under my age afterall! (: so there to all i&e people out there who think im such a kid, im not THAT much of one. tsktsk. 13 years olf = sec1 = acceptable okay!

2007-08-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

national day celeb today was super super fun! (:
it was the first time i guess, to see my class bonding automatically, and getting more bonded day by day. hahahaha. im beginning to love 4g2. community singing was the most fun! we just waved the flags around like MAD. and the red colour thingy that make sound when you bang them together. and near the end we actually put our arms together and form the g2 circle! and then it became the g2 choochootrain. before turning back into the g2 circle again! not to mention the "fireworks" which is actually the noise created by stepping on the red red thing. HAHA. i love 4g2. (: let's hope it'd stay this way all the way till the end, and after we leave alrights?

well, at least now i'll have some memory of my class. looking back, the times that we have shown class spirit can be counted with one hand. hehe. but anyways, we only have like 2 months left?!! 2 months left in crescent, 2 months to the o's. and maybe only 1 month left as a class. D: sucks.

but overall, the concert was great! i love screaming at the community singing part, well, though it's singing. hahaha. and the teachers dressing up each other was super amusing. and i can say, that ljw did not bad for a first time emcee! with all his stupid hairbands and all. talking bout which, guess he's rich enough to get his own chocolates and save me some $$ from buying the container huh. (:

chem pract marathon after the celeb was braincell killing. im grateful to be in combined science, at least ms azliah goes through the practs with us and im beginning to see the light for chem! :D after so many years. sigh. at least i wont get screamed at by ____ at the other side. gosh she can be so demoralising most of the times. and i felt so sleepy outta sudden while doing chem. bet it's due to the ammonia crystals forming in my nose and all the chloride gas. D:

chem pract marathon ended at say, 4++? had a freakin 1h too kill before mtg my mum and sis for dinner. it's my first time roaming in town alone! and im glad to say that it's rather fun! HAHA. window shopping alone, although very loner lah, but i managed to cover so many things! bought _______'s and _______'s bday gifts. and this alien stickers from borders for calvin! (: and surprisingly, i met emi at kino all alone too!! HAHA. i love emi a lot! thanks for entertaining me all the way until i had to leave!! (: greatly appreciated.

and to my bestest butt:
dont stress alrights deary! must get enough sleep! if not ur brain cant suck in the info properly. (: anw, we'll ping through this together! im sure u can do it! (: den we can go out together after we end everything! HAHA. i love you a lot a lot a lot <3

2007-08-07T22:39:00.000+08:00

i cant believe it's over just like that. -blinkblink
there's no concluding statement nothing? and ya expect me to shake it off and smile? hahaha. well i wish i could do that. it aint that easy alright. smile and me and expect me to get over it. hurhur. i wish it was that easy.

im a very happy happy kid cuz i got 18/25 for my amaths test! haha it's the first time that i've actually done it. (: well, so MAYBE it seems that im not THAT goner for maths afterall. maybe i can still pursue my major in maths dream, which is erm, 5 days old? haha. i bet if cloney sees this she's gonna laugh at how fickle i am. i rememeber that a few months ago, i told her i was going to major in chinese. den it became major in econs. before major in sociology, and a few weeks ago, political science! HAHA. let's just hope that the one for maths would stay alright?

and im finally able to see the light for ss! haha always thought that it was impossible to score for sbq, but under tingting, im actually getting 23/25! woots! (:

joy oh joy. its really unbelievable that im getting happy over acadamic results. hahaha. where's the life man. i really really REALLY needa get a life. but sadly, the prelims are in like what, 14 days? and it's draining all the time away from me. haha my stack of revision is damn high. and barely touched. and the revision list is not even 1/4 complete. DIE LA.

well, i&e photos this year are PREETY. okay, well, everyone except me. D: what the hell was i doing blowing the stupid bubbles man! in the pic tt everyone looks preety, i look ugly. and when everyone looks ugly, i look alright. grr. cant they just crop out my face from the i look alright photo and put it into the everyone look preety photo instead of me blowing my stupid bubbles! GRR. but anyways, im quite lazy to post it here, so if you wanna view it, go to http://signedandsealedwithlove.blogspot.com

talking bout prelims and all, it's been rather screwed up. i've got no one left to ask for maths, which is my most dying subject, and i havent started revision on history, physics and chem! which needs loads of memorising and practice. life sucks. take drugs. meanwhile, i'll just go rot in my bed and get ready for the long long weekends! wooots (: 5 days of slack, well, not really. but still, a BIT of slack huh! maybe i'll go swim everyday and get a tan. (: at least i'll look healthier and not so sick and pale and deadly each day. YAY! and maybe lose some fats along the way to fit into the prom dress that im still looking for. talking bout which, i have no time to shop for it. SUCKS.

and i really really really wanna watch fireworks! D: nat day celebration tmr, end at 11. 11 to 11.30, oral briefing. 11.30 to 4.30 chemistry practical marathon. 5h in the camp lab, i hope i wont die of ammonia crystals or chlorine crystals forming in my nose and choking me to death. on the brighter side, i can take many many photos of colourful chemicals and their cool reations! (:

and.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACE!!!!!

wont a tmx tickle me elmo toy be just right for a birthday girl? *winks at you to stare at me*

2007-08-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

this iznt the right time to throw the bomb right at me.
i really dont know who to turn to.
maybe i'll just rot and die.
and give up on my new goal created 2 days ago - to major in maths.
D:
grrr.

many thanks to all who heard me out and gave advice! (:
i would very much love to eat the vermonster from ben and jerry's on my birthday! -winkwink

Selena - Dreaming of You

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you
(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly...

2007-07-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

whoa it's been a tiring tiring week.
somehow i fell sick ytd, with flu and a bit of fever, and a total change of voice. terrible shit. i was so tired that i even fell asleep on my grandma's bed. D: and because of this, my mum didnt allow me to go for st anne's feastday. i really wanted to go! but sigh. must get well and all, if not no more energy left for prelims, not even mention o's man.

im really really really proud of enterprise! and all the juniors! we're in the yes-nec finals! (: everyone please go vote for crescent! seriously, i have never known of i&e to win at all. from the time ever since i've been in the club, i always assumed that we just join competitions and that's it. although we really hope to win something someday, well, deep down inside there's always this fear and realisation that ours weren't just as good. and to compare with the rest, well i must say that the chances of i&e winning was very very low. but that was in the past. this year well, if we wanna base it on luck, we're on a winning streak! but i guess it's all the junior's efforts and hardwork. haha see them everyday play play, happy go lucky like that, a senior like me gets freakin worried and it's very disappointing to see that there's no sense of urgency! but, well, maybe we should all adopt that attitude at times, haha see life more optimistically! i believe they can do it, and they will do it. :D this time, im super confident they can win, well even if they dont, they have our support anyway.

im so glad the harry potter hype's dying down. haha. it was a totally harry potter mad week ytd. every single conversation (well, almost!) was about harry potter. haha. finished reading the book long long time ago, thought it was a good ending to the series, but the ending sucks. yeah if you get what i mean.

ballet under the stars with pokpok, peiting, mich, zifang and suikim was fun! it was a totally new experience to me, although i've been to movie under the stars before. and i cant believe that 5bucks shirt is sold out. D: haha and there was this part in the dance that the dancer was injured, so they totally cut it out. sucks.

speech day ytd. was freezing to death in the hall. haha. we had to go through so many rehersals this week, say around 3 times? from 3-6 just to reherse how to go on stage, shake hand, bow, go down. total waste of my time. prelims are in 27 days! how can they do this to us! D: grr. but anyhows, speech day ytd was cool to the max! haha. partially due to the aircon, but mostly cuz i got to see so many seniors all over again. and mrs heng came to me, and she went "pearlyn! next year must see you sit first few rows", which means get the gold award, and that'll mean i must get 6 or 7 points. and if i wannna get my name on this galaxy board thingy outside the hall, it'll mean that i need 6 points + english a1. oh shoot me. haha. but as what yx said, "i want to do well. i need to do well. i want to see myself during speech day again next yr." yeah, that's what i really hope for and i really wanna get it. (:

study sessions in school are productive. well, at least more productive than at home. i just simply bummed around and watched high school musical, and eat so many thousand frutips. haha need the suger rush. but anyway, it's gonna be another long long day at school the week ahead. sigh, i hope i wont collaspe no matter what.

When there was you and me

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
'Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairy tale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth

When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used to be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairy tale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
'Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
'Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe thatI could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
'Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

2007-07-15T22:50:00.000+08:00

a quickie to sum up my week and the weeks before. will update in detail soon.

i got molested on the bus on my way to sch last last sat. and apparently the whole staff room knows about it when i only told like 2 teachers. D:
amaths is the new love of my life. im hoooked. (:
consultations are the in-est thing ever (:
history department is mad. we have tons of essays to write. 8 essays. beat lit essay + lit hols hw due long ago hands down. D:
harry potter's out, but got no chance to watch it yet, cuz the bloody cinemas are all so full. D:
4g2 is going mad. HAHA. the change in seats proved to be good afterall. (:
new sitting partner: xinxin!
we started this guess the chinese song game. and the who solve trigo fastest game. all thanks to weiling. (: wow. it does seems like my class is starting to study afterall. and to think we were underperforming all these while.
last friday, friday the 13th, was the badest day ever. class didnt really practice dance, cuz we practice finish alrdy! den mdm low walk in, scold and blah blah. and we were made to run canel. omg. i swear it's longer den 2.4 route! and we werent allowed to walk. i was dying of dehydration.
and we nearly had 6 periods of english. OMG. die die die. but luckily she didnt come in.
last sat, someone said to me tt women are all fake and act act only. they act vulnerable and demure in front of other. but behind the scene is a totally different story. and although this came from someone with a broken heart, after so many years, well, it kindda made sense! girls ARE like that. girl power!

cant wait for tmr. gonna be matchmaker of the 21st century! and __ and __ are really meant for each other!!!! okay, even though they look totally disgusting together. but negative and negative = positive!
ballet under the stars this weekend. cant wait cant wait!
at least there's something to look forward to, apart from history and lit and amaths. D:
chinese ting li tmr! better go dig out all my ear wax and pay close attention to the radio!
mug hard people! :D
prelims are in like what, 40days?!
we're so screwed.

2007-07-14T13:20:00.000+08:00

sch's been preety alright.
suddenly found the love for amaths. tts why been doing loads of questions nonstop and going for consultations here and here.

omg. i think __ and __ are together!!!!
that's preety cool office politics huh. (:

2007-07-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

okay, so i totally pissed __ off. D: sucks. i didnt really mean it! D: sigh. okay maybe i sounded quite harsh, but based on what i know of her, i think she should understand! but its like she's ignoring me, or trying to escape from talking to me. D: sigh sigh sigh.

life sucks. take drugs.

and oral was freakin hard. D: my day can be the hardest man. it was like what's ur views of the government making public transport more disabled friendly? like wth! the question tt we predicted totally came out on the day after my oral. eeeeyer! screw moe.

i really have no clue what i should do. D:

2007-07-02T21:12:00.000+08:00

pooey.
chinese orals tmr. D: die die die. the past 2 days topics were so random! it's like cannot prepare at all kind, sigh. contemplating if i should read thru that stack of oral notes now. still got 1001 things left undone! like writing testimonials for people. haha. thanks mich and yx and yazzie! (:

on this week,
it's been rather bad.
spent thurs, fri, sat in the pat for this im gifted so are you course. haha supposed to be motivational. not really for me lah, i dont feel the sudden rush to complete my revision. (havent even started yet!) and all i can remember for that 3 days were tears tears and more tears. haha day 2 was the worst. he practically made everybody cry like shit. touched on the family issue. no wonder. and day 3 was the closing session, all the parents came down. and again, they cry like shit. haha its so funny seeing so many adults cry together in front of their daughters when the daughters gave them a handwritten letter. so sweet right! and yah, i guess this course kindda helped a bit. crying actually make you feel good! (: and the trainers were so funny, omg. peiting was totally going "gerald is so hot!" haha and u know what, i agree. HEHE.

and it's so suay that bad things always hit me near the o's. near the chinese o's written paper day, my ezlink and ic got stolen. and now, near orals, guess what. i got molested on the bus on the way to school. seriously, what's wrong with s'pore guys man! this man even wanted to sit next to me on the empty bus. and started touching my hand and shaking my hands like 6, 7 times. and he even wanted to touch my face. and when i was about to alight, he brushed his hands past my stomach. so disgusting! haha. so hard to type out the details here, but yeah, its so sick. and now my mum's worried tt he'd be stalking me outside the sch at the busstop. haha not leaving sch early tmr, so see what he can do man! :P

and the night before, when i took a cab home, the cab driver convinced me that cte was jam, so he went by tiong, outram, maxwell rd, aljunied, geylang, paya lebar, serangoon, yio chu kang, before going to my house. WTH. i spent a freakin 1h on the cab, and it cost me 21bucks!! and worst still, the cab driver kept on nagging "why u dont wanna take mrt! faster! see now we're stuck in the jam". oh please. i bet cte would be much much faster. basket. GRRRR.

on a lighter note, pokpok said jb sells prom dresses for RM60 - 70 bucks! why didnt i see it when i went ytd! gosh. but im happy cuz i managed to smuggle 5 bubble gum tubes back. (: yay!

2007-06-26T21:46:00.000+08:00

school sucks. D: i want my holiday back!
haha although the 1st two days been rather slack, but come to think of it, chi o's are coming! have to jiang more hua yu. and my hua yu cmi. die die die. stutter like shit how to do oral! AHHHHHHHHHHH. D: D:

depress gal no.1 doesn't wanna go for the im gifted course. not as if i go alrdy it'd make me gifted. and so sucky! i'll be missing youth day concert can. D: my last in crescent seeing teachers maluating themselves on stage. hurhur. and it's gone. thanks to im gifted. sucks.

1 week ago, our nutella cupcakes made me happy.
today, hua yu makes me go crazy.

2007-06-24T22:35:00.001+08:00

okay a quickie before i go to sleep.
sch starts tmr. new semester = new addition to my uniform.
RUBBER! (:
hah. from now on no one can say i look untidy or my shirt is tucked out cuz' the drawstring's gonna make me look real neardy. but seriously, why cant drawstrings be allowed anyway? they make u look neater, and in freakin hot singapore, it's so practical!

oh well, pokpok made me so scared cuz she was saying tt she's scared for the new semester. haha now im scared too. as in, it's common sense that term 3 and 4 for sec4's will be hell. since we have this full mock history paper on the 2nd day of sch! killer or what.

i hope i wont die before my o's. and can the o's hurry come. wanna get it over and done with and that's it man. grr. such a pain in the butt. D:

2007-06-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

haha blogger keeps screwing up on me. grr im so annoyed.
anyway, sorry for not blogging so often anymore! cant find the proper time to sit down and blog, cuz 1. blogger keeps screwing up on me. ]: 2. been running around like mad 3. busy trying to lose some weight

haha. so for the last 2 weeks without blogging about anything... here's what happened. just went to school on the 2nd wk of june hols. im sucha deprived kid lah huh, but since it's o's, never mind. needa piah alrdy. so it was mostly going to sch in the morning, and meeting some people to study in the afternoon, if not it's to watch pirates! or to go out with my aunt (: since she's back from china alrdy. and im such a naughty kid, ponning lit retest, eng enrichment, and more lit retests. haha. too bad i was kindda sick, that can be used as an excuse right? since it's like even with my current marks, they take 5% it'd be 2.95. and retest they only take 4%! so if i wanna get a mark higher than my current 2.95, so lets say 3, which is 0.05 more, den i'll need a 75 for retest! wtf. how to get 75 for lit! D:

haha i bet yiwei's super touched with my present. went to her house on her bday night, got my dad to fetch me, and self-delivered my present to her! best butt for 10 years (: i know this is a little late, but

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YIWEI! <3

town on monday was super fun. haha. met up with my pokpok and we totally played nonstop lah. poor us had to call some stupid printing company in the morning, which totally delayed our schedule. D: and when we were laughing over lunch, we still had to talk to printers. haiz. but im glad that the thing is finally ready! with some minor error here and there. well, let's just call them minor errors lah huh, will find a way to blanco off those marks with pokpok. so we were intending to buy prom dress but look up down left right and cannot find. D: and pokpok got damn bored of shopping. wah! 1st time hear before man! so. we called mt and met her, so coincidentally at town too. haha. well pokpok, now u believe that they are very close friends huh? not only met mt, but this another teacher as well with her. was super weird lah, cuz we didnt know what to say. HAHA. and pokpok had a blister on her leg, so mt volunteered her eeyore plaster, but the way she pronounced eeyore was EEE-ORH! (in the same tune as the telletubies when they say EH-OH) and the people in the mrt totally stared at us nonstop. haha. i swear i died laughing. and going to bugis with her wasnt fun at all. D: no shops no nothing. no prom dress. disappointing! D: so we walked to city hall, hoping to get dinner and sat and pigged out at ben and jerrys. HAHA. i love ben and jerry's . they make my day :D i cant wait for the next date i have with pokpok, which is... this thursday! after my retest. D: and hopefully mt can come, and she can bring us to some proper prom dress shops at delfi! hoho. hope it's not as auntie as what mich said it is.

so this week, been trying to swim a lot a lot. haha im like much much tanner and fitter now! but sadly, i still weigh the same. haiya D: bowling and cycling had also become part of my life now! not to mention that the studying part is down the garbage bin. hehe.

and get well soon dee! im missing you a lot a lot (:

and if anyone see a nice blogskin, do tell me k. cuz im so sick and tired of this one D:

2007-06-03T21:58:00.000+08:00

i love and hate you all at the same time. sigh.
never really understood why did you have to clear up all my mess for me. i knew that you knew all these would affect me much. i knew you weren't that blur and huh to your surroundings. but i never knew that you'd go to this extent for me. well, i understand that you wanted to clear up those misunderstandings all along the way. and make me a bit more happier. haha. do i really mean THAT much to you? thanks a lot anyway :D greatly appreciate all that you've done. this is the first and last time im gonna let such a thing happen. you wouldnt have to stand up for me anymore, cause i'm gonna stand up for myself. your xinganbaobei will not let you down ever again. (:

what kind of nonsense holiday is this man. we have to go to sch for the 1st TWO weeeks, and 3rd week im supposed to be resting like a pregnant woman at home, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, but no, i have to study hell load, cause there's re-tests on week 4. and before i know it, sch's gonna start. D: boohoo. dont even have the time to go for RCIY outing at sentosa tmr, not to mention shop till i drop at the GSS. gahhh. so deprived. so many things undone, so little time.

if i had all the time in the world this june hols, i'd..
1) go shop during the GSS
2) watch POTC "welcome to singapore!" haha.
3) watch shrek 3
4) go sentosa and tan all i want
5) swim swim swim!
6) eat at max brenners
7) eat at carousel
8) give yazzie and mich and xueyuan the mcflurry i owe them
9) go for ballet under the stars (haha sure going anyway)
10) go for mechatronica with bertha
11) officially start my TLC programme. well come to think of it, now not 1, but 2 people are offering to give me TLC. aint i a lucky kid? (:
12) pack my room
13) sort out all my notes
14) go try out what's it like to be a nun for a day
15) travel round the world
16) shop for prom dresses with pokpok!

but unfortunately, i dont have all the time in the world this june hols! so i guess it'd just be the same old boring things that i can do. like finish up my hw, go watch some movies, go shop for prom dress, eat max brenners ( i got HUGE craving for it) and yeah, tts about it. and mug for my retests. D: sad kid, deprived life.

was viewing salt's blog just now. very very interesting. haha. and i blog hopped all the way and landed on weird blogs everywhere. but somehow or another, all these blogs were featured in the catholicnews this week! haha cool not. rather interesting lah, at least these people blog with a central theme. now i wonder what's my blog's central theme man. the rantings of pearlyn? the boring life of pearlyn? gosh. so hard to imagine. haha. maybe i'll revamp this whole place and it can be a "guide to surviving secondary sch days" blog. haha okay, now i'll have to go and master the technique of surviving secondary sch first (:

yuexi's party on tuesday was super duper fun. haha. after sch went to town with her to buy otahs, den take the long bus ride to her house. gosh, she said she would never miss the stop, i didnt believe her can, but like 1min before the bus reached her house busstop, she out of a sudden just woke up like that. scared the shit out of me. haha. climbed the hill and all, went to her house to test out her toilet and bathe, and started planning boliao games for the party later on. i cant believe that for the "pass the parcel" game, all the lame forfeits that i thought of and really really hoped that i wouldnt be the one getting it, turned out to be that im the one who got it! EEYER. and hiding the clues for the treasure hunt was rather interesting. (: everyone couldnt find the clues me and pokpok hid. HEH. and mt was being such an ass, came late and still didnt wanna walk up the hill herself. tsktsk. i was sorta conned into walking down the hill to fetch her, den walking up again. idiot. she was the mystery guest of the night! HAHA. and she bought us cupcakes from carnival and co. i'll upload the photos here soon. (: come to think of it, i never ever did upload any photos huh. :P highlight of the day was yx's bday cake. haha. she never expected to blow candles that night can, and the blindfolding and dumping of shirt on her was very very exciting! (: took many videos of the pass the parcel forfeit that night. very unforgettable. (: i love i&e to bits. haha. sad to know that from now on, my thursday afternoons would be rather empty. D:

class bbq ytd was funny. met xinxin quite early to take neos and buy drinks from coldstorage. halfway through the bags tore. and we had to lug the drinks to the condo. alan was simply ... no comments. but anw, we had fun fun fun! and im very very glad that our class bonded so much! (: all the stupid games like playing blindmice on the equipments at the playground, and acting like kids. haha and mdmlim even played the seesaw with me. WOW. im amazed. and ash was sooooo cute! (: heidy and i played with ash and made him so confused. hehe. i was the bear bear representative, and heidy was the piglet representative. den we told ash to choose. piglet, bear, piglet, bear, piglet, bear... HAHA. made him so confused. and in the end, he picked this another dog toy that was lying somewhere else. -.- but nvm, i love 4g2! watched msgoh's wedding video, signed in her guest book and all. gave mdmlim her belated bday gift from our class, juat mark it. haha the imitation of nike. (: i promised i'll upload pics here very very soon! (:

it's been quite some time since i experienced such peace. (: mass today was rather fulfilling. i love stannes. haha. had loads of fun running around and exploring the place. those blogs must have just spurred me on, cuz now i hv the urge to move on and start packing my files! and i'll try my best to stop thinking of you.

2007-05-28T22:33:00.001+08:00

now my tagboard is screwing up on me. what's with the world man! first blogger, now my tagboard. GAHHH

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2007-05-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

hello. i havent been blogging for like a month +. yes i realise (: haha. -points to the tagboard- anyway, i thought of changing to xanga. blogger's been screwing up on me nonstop! so annoying. it's like everything i want to blog, they say there's some nonsense techincal error and i cant create new post. what bullshit huh.

anyway, the last 1 month been rather uneventful. haha. it was the mugging for midyears, den sitting for the midyears, den getting shitty results. and the highlight would most probably have been the getting results part coz my l1r5 is still the same as common test! 30. gosh. ): im gonna go to kampung jc. haha. and to think i promised mt to improve by 10pts. what bullshit man. and now if i wanna get into a proper jc, i have to improve by 20 points by prelims! which is only 2 months away. sorry if im gonna be a chaomugger. hahahaa. dont wanna regret in the future.

and with these shitty grades, i was contemplating nonstop if i should just like drop to combine science, or drop amaths, since i failed both math and sciences for my midyrs. haha. amaths been taking up a lot of my time. but i hate science the same! cant do both, cuz i'd be left with 2 subjects and it'd be too risky. i dont know why, but everyone (as in the teachers) have this impression that i go out everyday. and sg even said i have split personality. WTH. haha if i got split personality, den she must have split split personality man. gosh. and i think i know who started this "oh. miss pearlyn neo goes out every single day after sch" nonsense. so irritating. and because of this, so many people are seeing me as the one who really goes out everyday after sch, which i dont. maybe like once every 3,4 days? but still, it's not everyday! and it's gonna affect my testimonial. hahaha. through this i managed to see the power of the tie. wow. when i wear my tie, tuck out and walk around no one care. now no tie, tuck out walk around, whole world stare. (eh rhymes!) haha did an experiment that day. walked right next to a high post exco councillor who's shirt was also tucked out, and people just went "eh pearlyn tuck in your shirt". like hello what bullshit. and im so bloody annoyed that all the teachers i talked to last week regarding my option (well, almost), all say that i go out everyday that's why my results are like that. ANNOYING. haha. 1st teacher i talked to was mt, and she said to combine, and this whole long list of reasons came out. gahh, and mr tan was like so sacarstically telling me to combine. gosh. D: mrlee was reasonable enough, all the pros and cons and all, but ultimately i didnt get an answer. HAHA. mrschia was totally "omg i think you totally should combine". haha it's like she tells everone that so i dont really bother bout her opinion. last person i talked to was mslin. haha. so she's the only one who told me to not bother bout what the staff room says. and she's the first, and the last who didnt tell me that i should stop going out everyday, cuz i dont even go out everyday in the first place! HAHA.

so the decision, ultimately lies in my hands. and i've decided... to combine my sciences. it's like if i drop amaths, i would still have 2 f9s, but if i combine my sciences, worst come to worst it would be an f9 and a b3. better option. but i wont be saving time lah, cuz it's the same number of subjects, just like an easier paper. SIGH. combine science, no regrets (: haha. that's one of the valuable lessons learnt last week, dont look back, no regrets, if not you'd never move on. i can say that the so many talks i had with all the teachers really shows how much a student can mean in their eyes. haha. and i've learnt, that the lvl1 staffroom is a very "happening" place. haha. thanks for all the advices and all, i'll move on, no regrets!

haha this week i also played detective for 2 days. very very cool. first, my ezlink and ic got stolen. paniced like shit can, cuz i couldnt go home. but then, after asking around, i got a few suspects. haha ask around somemore, and my suspect narrowed down to one. was supposed to chiong this report out for honggeok, but in the end yo sorta knew about it, so the case was handled directly by her. i was also told to like find out what happened in the past to others, whose things got stolen by the same suspected person. haha and to my surprise got like 18 other cases. type until my hand pain. but nevertheless, i still cannot imagine that it's her. i dont wanna believe its her, cuz she's one of my gd friends afterall. she had so much potential, so much capability to do much better, and yet such a mental illness overtook her. upsetting man. haha. but i guess we have to move on, and i'll wait till the meeting on wednesday with yo and all the victims and get back my items and see how. but no matter what, my dear, you'd still be my friend. haha. i wont like outcast her or anything. that's like damn dumb since now we're all sec4s alrdy, a few months more left with each other, shouldnt bear so many grudges. haha.

chinese o's today. screwd it up big time. cant finish my compo, compre i dont know how to do, so i did the copying method. without even understanding wth the question was asking, i just 1st question copy 1st para, 2nd question copy 2nd para. HAHA. best or best. and mt had to happily call me after the paper. spoil my mood. kana scold over the phone. gahhh, so annoyed can. i cant believe chinese intensive is over. no more chiense for the rest of my sec4 life, well, unless my paper today is REALLY that screwd that i have to retake. D:

haha. i think i got some psyco problem. i dont get angry at people stealing my stuff, i dont get angry at people screaming at me. i just get damn hurt. psyco or psyco? haha. it's psyco.

someone please tell me where to find nice blogskins! im so sick and tired of the 4 pictures of that little girl staring at me. =X

super super excited for tmr!
HAHA HAPPY BIRTHDAY POKPOK(: i love you a lot a lot! (:
your party tmr better be a BOMB man! now someone's 16, legal for nc16 movies and sex! HAHA. enjoy your life preeeety POK. (:

2007-04-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

i've decided to close that whole chapter of my life and move on. as what yazzie mentioned, if they dont value you, no point thinking so much about them either. and cynthia had been so totally sweet! they are not letting you screw up their lives, so why should you let them screw up your life? well. i had always thought that my friends were the ones that would stay with me when the world crumbles, but as i came to realise that everyone's just going with the flow, they just dont seem so true anymore. maybe this can be counted as a blessing in disguise. i've come to know how united or close the rest of the class is, and that there are so many wonderful people out there. thanks a lot my dears! (: talk to a few of my close friends and felt so much better after that. so 1 chapter closed, 1 more is still left half open. gosh, i cant bear to let this other 4 year friendship end like that. D: maybe i'll start talking to her someday, but since it's a "i'll talk to you after mid year" thing, maybe i'll just wait and see. and just as what you noticed that day, that small little concern which made me smile and what you said after that, i should pioritize and focus on the things that i can change now - my grades, and that is so much more important than all these friendship nonsense. thanks for being here when the world crumbles. (:

anw, phantom ytd was damn good! (: HAHA. went with rachel neo and totally enjoyed it. a break admist all the work and all. im so screwed up for mid years, it's in a week and i havent started. HOW. D: i think i need to start soon. this last-minute studying isnt working and im so dead. HELP.

2007-04-19T21:59:00.000+08:00

and it all came tumbling down. D:
i lost everything.
now i really truly understand what it means to be displaced. D:
oh why did you have to play such a big part in my life in the first place?
sucks.

2007-04-14T13:58:00.000+08:00

booohoo. we're 13 days to mids. better mug hard man. well i havent started at all, how to not break that "im gonna improve by 10 pts" promise?! sucks.

oh well, this week had again been uneventful except for tuesday and thursday. haha tuesday went for weekday mass. lol the whole atmosphere was liked damn diff as compared to weekend ones. and lasted only 30min. haha (: it was also fr's bday. so we wished him and i had to go home. sobs.

thursday was the most loooked forward thing in the weeek. although it was like the sec4s last i&e meeting, i was q excited cuz it was presentation of our proposal to the ceo. HAHA. me and yx was like damn scared. we rehersed like 1001 times. and she and jessica had to present some gifts to the ceos, so we practised how to shake hands. i got to play the ceo part! (: jessica cant shake hands for nuts, but soon she learnt how to lah. HAHA. and the stupid surprise was, there was not only 3, but 4 ceos here. die. not enough presents. so me, the cameraman, ran around to figure out how. haha. and snap like 1001 photos (: we were the 6th group to present. hahaha all in all everything went quite well lah, and they said we're the best group (: and our idea of sky dating was highly feasible. yay! but when they asked bout the price, omg. totally cocked up. cause mr cchua was like showing with his hands 80 80 80 and mt was like 25 25 25. and me and yx were like ERMMM. so i went ERM. and den she answered. and i got scolded for not saying 80. cuz she in the end said 30-50. HAHA. but oh well. and they asked if MBAs were allowed. married but avaliable. and i said "erm. maybe it should only be for singles" and everybody laughed at me. D: hahahaha they said i sounded too innocent to be true. HURHUR. but the ceos were like "vry gd! u got lateral thinking (sp?)." better go find out the meaning of the word. i think it means tt i sound stupid? HAHA. idiot lah. chionged to wrap the gifts and all, took more pics, and at like 6.45 we were chased out of the avt by mrs lee. D:

but all in all, this whole last meeeting's damn great! HAHA i love i&e a lot a lot lah. come to think of it, there's nothing to look forward to each week anymore. my life's gonna be books books books. tys, impact, just du it, power packs, prelim papers. SIAN.

although this was our last, it had surely been a blast.

thank you pokpok for the farewell gift. since when did i ever remind you of a smiley face man. tsktsk. (: the wacky project manager says bye! okay, guess there's something else to look forward to, eg. may babies bday bash, fullerton hotel chocolate buffet treat, i&e camp! (limin you seeee my hint?!?!) HINT HINT HINT.